Help!! I left my Husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Help!! I left my Husband
3
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 11:54pm

Help.

I left my husband of 11 yrs, been together 17 yrs because I found out he posted personal ads on various adult sex sites. Also, I went online and viewed his detailed cell phone bills. I found he was calling two women out of state on a continous basis. He called one of the women more than the other. He would call her every morning after I left for work and called her several times throughout the day. They talked at least 1 1/2 a day.

I found western union receipts showing he sent money to a woman that lives in his hometown. He never mentioned these women, i didn't know they existed. I am so hurt. He said they are just friends. Long distance friends don't talk everyday all day. Whenever, I asked him to explain why he called so much, he gets upsets and tells me to get a divorce. He says the marriage isn't going to work.

Since he refused to answer my questions and continued to confide in her after I found out about their relationship. I decided to leave him. He wouldn't stop calling even though he knew it upset me. My husband and I work different shifts so we rarely spent time together. I'm so sad because the woman out of state was closer to my husband than me. I didn't talk to my husband two hours a day but she did.

I hurting so bad and he acts like he doesn't care. Since I left he posted his piture on dating websites looking for women

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 12:50am

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this grief.

I experienced the same betrayal when finding my husband's credit card statement (on my account) charging lingerie, jewelry, a Coach purse, clothing, a hotel room, rental cars, and dozens of roses for another woman out of state--a former employee of mine whom I mentored. I was crushed to learn that he was calling her, texting her, sending her photos of himself, and even sending her flowers while we were abroad to get a second opinion on the lump I found in my breast. I did not get roses, and I was the one who was lying topless on a cold, metal table, praying to God that my life was not going to end. He could not open up to me, and yet he could chat with her hours per day.

I could not sleep those first few nights, when he was out of state with her, and I was home alone crying. Turning off the lights just meant more horrific images flashing across my closed eyes, so I took to tossing and turning by candlelight. But then we reconnected and tried to work out it. For nearly two years, we lived together, though largely separate lives other than via our shared business endeavors.

And then two weeks ago today, I found out that he is in love with my personal assistant and closest friend of 3+ years. (I already knew that she loved him.) I was told that "we still want to be your friends," and that horrible feeling was back again--only worse--because this time, he said he no longer loved me "in that way."

My point in telling you all of this is that today was the first day that I did not sob uncontrollably (probably because last night I cried every last ounce of liquid out of me!). Right now, I am certain it feels as if you cannot possibly go on. That you cannot trust anyone in this world. That there is something wrong with you. And a host of other horrible-feeling emotions. But you know what? We will get through this, all of us on this site searching for any bit of comfort--comfort we had only wished we'd have gotten from our spouses. You are not alone. None of us are, and those on this site who are gracious enough to share their stories of making to the other side of this chasm of grief are proof positive that we are never, ever given more than we are able to handle in this life.

I wish you--and all of us--strength, gentle kindness, and love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 8:06am

Yep, it hurts like the dickens.

By the time I knew about my stbx's desire for a divorce he was long gone -- looking for someone else, etc.

Hurts.

So so sorry.

You didn't leave him -- he left you -- long time ago, apparently.

They can be such turkeys (insert another word of your choice).

I hope you don't have children; you didn't say. I hope not. These selfish hurt not only their spouses but their innocent children.

Hugs!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 3:40pm

well if he doesn't care that you left - i would have to question his committment to the relationship - in that case you are better off - and let what's meant to be, be...

if he does decide later that he would be open to seeing a counselor or someone about finding out the root of the problem & whether or not it could be worked out - then i would consider -

but for now - worry about yourself & not what he's doing or going to do...it's hard, but you'll get thru it :)