Help, I'm losing my NERVE!!!!!
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| Tue, 10-31-2006 - 1:41pm |
Well, for those of you that don't know my story, it's pretty simple. Married 17 years, 2 kids (16 and 11)....STBX cheated on me with a friend of mine...I filed for divorce in June, final divorce date set for January 11, 2007. I was verbally, emotionally and physically abused for many many years.
Over the last few weeks, he's been really nice. We're talking, out of the ordinary nice. I know his girlfriend has moved on, LOL, but I think he's got way too much time on his hands and may have plans to weasel his way back into my life.
I feel like I'm losing my nerve. I feel like I'm losing my strength. I don't want him back, but as I always have in the past, I am falling for his charm.
Please I need help! What the heck do I do? Why am I falling for his evil ways?
Thanks for listening and please, send me words of wisdom!
Hugs,
Jennifer in CT

He is being nice because the final hearing is coming up! My stbx is doing the same thing......Don't fall for it honey!!
Hang tough!
YOU deserve better.....remember the way he REALLY is!
Stick with it!!
Momof2,
Abusers are manipulators. Violence is a form of manipulation, i.e. if they hit you, yell at you, intimidate you, its a way of getting what they want from you. "Being nice" is just another form of manipulation. Your STBX knows just how to push your buttons and say just what you want to hear in the way you want to hear it. Since it's "nice" you figure he must be being honest and you hold out hope that "this time" he'll be "better." His goal is to still get what he wants and it's probably not a better marriage. In his case he's probably looking for sex. He figures he'll probably get it if he plays on your heartfelt wishes for the "nice guy."
The ONLY WAY I'd encourage you to even consider a reconciliation with him is to remain separated and both of you go to marriage counseling - together and separately. Being separated can provide a breath of fresh air on a relationship since you're not facing the daily or weekly blow ups that make it difficult to see what's going on. Going to counseling would help both of you work on your issues and provide both of you an opportunity to owe up to your end of the marriage bargain. If he won't go or says you're the one who needs counseling, then be careful about taking his "nice act" very seriously.
As soon as he has another girlfriend he'll be off again.
Stay strong.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020