Help - Letter from STBX lawyer
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| Sat, 07-02-2005 - 1:45pm |
Please beware this is long!!!! But I need a few words....
STBX and I do NOT get along AT all. But oh well on that. I had sent a letter to my attorney saying that I never thought it would become a problem with STBX returning the clothes that I send with my daughter for her visits with her father. How when he NEVER returns them or her shoes I have to make her good shoes and good clothes her PLAY clothes and when he isn't current with Child support I don't have the money to buy her new clothes every other weekend. I also put my daughter's clothes are not TOP NAME brand desinger clothes but they are clean and they are hers. But if I don't send clothes my dauther comes home with clothes that are too tight or small for her. But if I do send clothes with her she comes home with her cousins hand me downs on and so then send me my clothes back. DAYUMMMM!!!! This has been ongoing since January and I have over and over said please send her clothes home and even talked to my daughter that when you are taking off your clothes please put them in this bag and put them back in your back pack. She is a little girl 5yr and when she has an opportunity to play with kids (she is my only here at home) she would rather just run buck wild and have fun. Which I want her to do - he needs to be the adult.
So he is to pay $501/mo for child support. Which he is in arrerrage $1136.08. This is the letter I got from his attorney (which I hate her I have known her way before I went to school with her drug addict son)She sent this to my lawyer:
Dear Mr. ******:
It is my understaning from Mr. STBX that he has purchased clothing for his daughter that he has at his place. (he lives between 2 sisters houses he has no rent, groceries, utilities to pay only his 2004 brand new truck and keep himself in nice NAME brand clothing and oh yeah his other kid too that he had while we were separated) He has talked to her about returning some of the items (he has when?). However, he is not certain which items are his daughters, but he is having his sister sort them out and was going to return them this last weekend. (Why does his sister have to sort through them because they take care of them and they have clothes EVERYWHERE!!!)
In regards to the regular child support, Mr. STBX is self-employed in the business of construction and remodeling mostly in the ****** area. He does not receive a regular paycheck. Basically, when he obtains a job, he gets money down to cover the material and gets paid when teh job is finished which may be anytime from 2-4 weeks. (Why is this our DD fault? He quit his job to go into business for himself because he would make MORE money. The court order does not say he may pay $501/mo after he gets paid from his job which could be longer than a month so let him pay whenever. I know other parents that are self employed and they pay maybe $50 a week or $100 or whatever but they pay something rather than nothing at all.)
One reason he is behind is because when teh ORder goes into ***** (a different place because he is self employed then they send it to our county Friend of teh Court) it takes like three weeks before they get the payement sheets out to him to start the payments. He has given me (his lawyer) last week a $400 payment in a bank money order and will give me another coming week or so. I was going to deposit it with the Friend of the Court on Monday, but I was sick with the flu. (Why the he** is his lawyer taking his check and depositing it for him and becasue she was sick my DD has to wait until she feels well enough to deposit it for him?!! He comes from an 1hr away from where we live and he comes here 2-4 times a week if he had the money why couldn't he have called and said I am dropping off a payment at the friend of the court on my way in I would be fine to accommoddate that also since he is self employed he is supposed to pay directly to this other place which is in the same town that he is coming from. So why can't he just drop off a pyament that way or have his sisters do it for him?) I recommend he do this because if he simply mails it to MISDU it probably will not show up for quite a while on his record of payment. For examply, on February 15, 2005 he mailed a check which then was shown received by ***** on February 23, 2005 and I am not sure when Ms. ***** (me) received it. Obviously, if he mailed it from ***** to ****** it should of only taken one day. Some of the checks are immediately entered such as a check mailed out on April 4 and was entered by ***** on his reocrd of April 6. However a check mailed on April 19 was not entered until the April 27 and a check amiled on May 31 was not entered until June 6. You should explain this to your client because don't know if there is anything we can do about that.
Sincerely,
his lawyer
Ok Ok I totally understand when you are dealing with the system it takes time. I know we can't fix that. I have set myself up for direct deposit so when he does make a payment I won't have to wait for them to send me a check. The Friend of the Court told him that he would suggest that he pay something every week so he didn't get behind. Which he hasn't done. I understand things are tight I am living tight but that isn't my STBX fault I knew when I had my daughter that I would have to provide for her but what is my STBX fault is that he can drive from 1hr away 2-4 times a week (because he CHOSE to quit his job and move away and not see our DD every day like he was) with the price of gas now a days and drive up here and tell me he can't get her this day because he is playing pool or darts or get her this weekend because he has dart tournaments then he can pay something every week!!!
I get so sick and tired of being responsible in the eyes of the court and he can do whatever. Please help with responses so that I can write a letter back to my lawyer saying it is NOT MY DD FAULT that is the way he gets paid. The friend of the court told him to pay something weekly. If he sends $20 they are not going to say oh we aren't accepting this take it back. $20 is $20 more than what she has now.
As I am typing this I am breaking out in hives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Write your daughter's name in her clothes on the labels.
Each week, write down a list of what she brings and wears to visitation, make a copy, and have her bring it with her to visitation so she can return home with the clothes she left with.
If that doesn't work, don't send anything. If she already has clothes there, there's no need to send her there with more each week. She can wear what she has on her back.
You asked for ideas for a response to the lawyer. I see no need for you to respond voluntarily. If you're required to, I think what you said was brief and to the point:
"it is NOT MY DD FAULT that is the way he gets paid."
That's all you have to say. Be very, very brief and succinct no matter what you say. Make your point immediately with little detail - courts don't need to read all the details and they don't want to. Plus, it will make your stbx's attorney look like an idiot since she seems to vomit out her words.
Waiting ONE WEEK to have it on the record?? Is she kidding?? How in the world can ONE WEEK be such a problem??? That makes no sense AT ALL. But, nothing she said did. This is a common kind of letter I used to get. It documents things by trying to turn it to the NCP's favor. Judges see past this kind of thing. It is mostly to try to get your goat and intimidate you. Don't let it work. Just set it aside and don't worry about what the attorney said.
Writing a list of the clothing she is taking is one of the ideas that I have always liked the best. Make sure to keep a copy for yourself. Also, I agree with the other poster who said not to send anything with her if that doesn't work. His attorney said that he has clothes for her there. This becomes one of those issues of *He says he has this covered. I know he doesn't, but I can't change what he does. It may cause my child to have hurt feelings, but I can't protect her from those. It isn't a proper way to parent her, but she is going to have to learn to adjust to his parenting style. I want him to straighten up, but I can't make him do so. Agian, this may hurt my child, but I can not protect her from this hurt. I CAN be there to pick up the pieces when she is hurt. THAT will be my job now.*
Thank you both for responding to my post.
His lawyer is so unprofessional but I guess if that is the way she wants to be so be it.
I will start going to goodwill and getting some clothes and putting her name in them and sending them (advice from another poster) and hopefully this will get her through.
I appreciate everyone's input. Thank you!!!