Help me please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
Help me please.
1
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 2:30pm
I am afraid of him physically. I believe that my husband is catching on to the fact that I want to leave. We had a HORRIBLE fight Saturday in front of my youngest and she was devastated. She was so frightened. He was screaming and cursing in front of her and told me to get my *ss out. I had to go pick my oldest up from a friends house and he was irrate that it was after 10:00 and I should have never let her go out that late on a 'church' night. She is 17 yrs old. I went to walk to the door to go get her and he just opened the door and screamed that I could leave and NEVER come back, that I could carry my a*ss and never look back. Of course I came back...my youngest was there and I am not walking off and leaving her. I started to just grab her and drive away but I was so afraid he would hurt me. He is much bigger than I am. I picked up my oldest and came home and just went to bed. He called today and wanted to know what my problem was.....why I was so angry all the time. He has been gone EVERY night for the last four weeks and now that the big "golf" tournament is over (he is an avid golfer....thanksgiving has a big deal here in our town and he prepares for weeks before it)he decides he wants to be father and husband of the year. He didn't even spend Thanksgiving with us. We went to my family's house and he says all the time that he will go but he doesn't. All of my family were there asking about him and I just wanted to throw up. I was traveling the whole time going back and forth to this ones house and that ones house and he never even called to see how we were doing. I went to church Sunday but I never said a word--during Sunday school or church or anything. And that drives him nuts. I told him today that I didn't like our church and I didn't like the living arrangements with the church situation. I don't like being the preachers wife. I hate it. To be totally, totally, honest with you.......I am seriously scared of him. I am scared of his desperation. He knows that without me, the church will not let him stay there. Our religion is just that way. I am trying SOOOOO hard to just hold out to Christmas. That will be my end. I just DON'T want the holidays ruined for my kids. This way, I have a whole year to get re-adjusted to another holiday without him in my life. I am afraid of him. I really am. I know desperate people do desperate things. He wants it all. Preacher, Golfer,............ father, husband, etc.....but it is usually in that order. He is VERY controlling. Very. Very loud and intimidating. I am so afraid of what he will do when I do finally leave. I am afraid that he will do something to hurt me or the kids if he realizes that this is over. Preaching is the most important thing to him...then comes golf. But he knows that if I leave that first one is out for good. I am just so scared of what he will do to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 10:58am
I just read your "sex" post. You need to take your children and leave, NOW. You are being abused, and your children are seeing that this is "OK". Find family, friends, a shelter, I don't care where... get out of that house!