help me taking the big step and scared
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help me taking the big step and scared
| Fri, 08-04-2006 - 5:58am |
i need support. i have posted on other sites before. now i have taken the step towards divorce. i am scared. right now i am shaking. i suspected infidelity. i was right. while visiting my father in fla he took another woman and her children camping in my r.v. lied to me when i found evidence and told me i was a physco and stupid. he was abusive for 9 years, physically, verbally and mentally. would call me the "c" word, a piece of sh**, this week it was "get your ugly face out of my sight". last month he slapped my daughter. i should have left then.i filed for an order of protection this past monday. of course so did he. he said i held a knife to him and repeatedly hit him. the only truth there was i did slap his face after he slapped my daughter. the judge order him to vacate the home. he broke his order so many times. i could have had him arrested more than 4 times. i didnt. he is tugging on my emotions. crying. saying he is sorry. he threatened to take his own life. i have a 5 page print out of instant message to my girlfriend of him saying he will do anything. counseling, anger management, he justs wants to be able to talk to me. my lawyer, who is the most compassionate man ever, is helping me stay strong. i dont want to weaken. my daughter told my mom that if i go back to him this time she is moving in with her. for that reason alone, i am not changing my mind but my heart hurts sometimes. i dont know how i coud still love him after all this. i know i will not go back to him but it still hurts the same. he is sick and he has a problem. i know thats not my problem anymore. i cant be his saviour. we go in front of the judge today for he temporary orders of protection. i am scared they are going to let him come back in the house. a domestic abuse caseworker is coming with me, so i hope that makes a difference. my lawyer cant make it. i think he asked for another date next week, but i stil have to appear today. i will tell them that he violated the order several times since then. i did call the police finally because he kept contacting me crying and he was upsetting me and my daughter. i want to do this ladies. help me. i dont want to be afraid. my lawyer ssys he is going to take care of everything. my daughter tells me, mom, everything is going to be alright. i have friends and family that have always been there for me. i dont want to weaken. when the divorce is final i will walk away with enough money to buy a small home for my daughter and i. i have a great job so i know i can financially take care of myself. but i have never owned a home myself. i dont consider myself stupid but he has always done everything. i will keep in touch with the domestic abuse counselor. she told me what to do when i start to weaken. she said picture the meanest thing he has ever said and done. relive it in my mind. i do that and it gets me mad again. i just cant believe at 43 that i have to start all over again

HUGS, and welcome. I know this is such a hard time for you, but you MUST stay strong for you and your daughter. I filed for divorce once, faltered and took him back, only to have to file again a few years later. You do NOT want that to be you. I know this is hard and scary, but this man is abusive. He will try to manipulate and control you into taking him back, only to revert back to his old ways in no time.
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