help! meeting STBX's GF for first time
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| Tue, 05-09-2006 - 2:35am |
yikes! i'm attending my sons' baseball playoff game this weekend & STBX has so "happily" informed me that his GF (of 4 months) will be at the game and also in town for mother's day weekend to meet our sons. personally, i think it is toooo soon (uh, we're not even actually divorced legally yet), but we've been separated for 2 years.
i plan to be a "big" girl about it (e.g., try not to compare myself to her, no matter what she looks like or cringe if she decides to get all huggy with STBX). i hope she will exercise some semblance of decorum in front of my sons, especially at their game, which is supposed to be all about them, that is why i am showing up & not hiding. STBX and GF will not keep me away, which is what ex's intent was by mentioning her.
he's pissed because i'm taking it in stride (on the outside); on the inside it hurts, but surprisingly not that much. i keep a "what you get to inherit" list of the things and characteristics of my ex that helps me focus on the reason we are divorcing in the first place. so although on one hand i'd like to totally "ignore" the GF at the ball game, on the other, i anxiously feel the need to congratulate her on the "coach-class" prize she's realllly getting. after all, his "nice" behavior only lasted for us, 3 months when we met. they've been together 4 months and counting--and since the only thing that's changed about his behavior is its new zip code, she should be in for a treat pretty soon.
anyhow, any tips/advice on how i should "behave" or "act" during the game?? i mean what do i do if my STBX introduces us?? don't know if it's even necessary to meet her?? i'm at a loss??
but rest assured, i refuse to let "them" ruin our (my boys and me) mother's day weekend together.
thanx ... this board is the bestest!!

HUGS. I think this is usually a case where the anticipation and worse than the event. She's probably just as nervous as you are, wondering how you'll react, etc.
If this woman is going to be spending time around your children, it's probably best to just get it over with and meet her. If your STBX introduces, her just say hello, and nothing more. Then go on and enjoy watching the game.
Emotionally, it will be hard. But like you said, you know what she's getting herself into, so you can have a private chuckle when you meet her ;)
Good luck. Hope all goes well. And have a great Mother's Day!!
thank you!! what GREAT advice. i will no doubt handle myself with class, politeness, and have on my quintessential "carrie sex and the city" outfit. yes, agree, it is important that i establish a positive rapport with the woman who will apparently be in my children's life, but at the same time, she will know through my sophisticated demeanor that "i don't take no stuff; you better treat my bunchkins right, or face the wrath of Mom.Me!!" :)
wooo-whoooo, my fears are sooo eased thanks to my incredible support network / advocates -- you all!!
Yes, my ex wanted me to meet his girlfriend (15 years younger than him) when she came to this country. He told me under different circumstances I would probably like her, maybe even be friends with her. I was NOT interested in meeting the little tramp who was the final straw in our miserable marriage. Luckily, they broke up before the chance ever came up.
However, I am dreading the day his new wife moves over here. Of course, he will probably cheat on her too and that relationship will end before she does move here. So, I am not really sweating it. Our 16 year old DD is even taking bets on that!
Good luck to you! Have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
good for you, sounds like you have so moved on and are doing well with DD. yes, as women, knowing that the men we chose are not going to change, we must do all that we can to uphold a standard of integrity, grace, class, and maturity that your children will emulate and ultimately respect and commend us for when they evolve into adults. as for our ex-es, maybe karma, maybe happiness--at any rate, we, as their former wives, will be in their lives until death do part (with children or without their children), serving as consistent reminders of the beautiful beings we were, are, and will continue to be.
you keep right on doing what you're doing, it gives me great inspiration, and now, i look forward to saturday, not with "dread" but instead with "dignity."
happy Mother's Day to you, too ...
I'm sorry. That is awkward....
It will be hard the first time. But if your ex wants to be a prominent figure in your child's life, you should respect that and endure the new girlfriend.
Just relax and be yourself.... who cares what your STBX thinks.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~