HELP!! need support now PLEASE!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
HELP!! need support now PLEASE!!
3
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 9:15am

Hi everyone,

I wrote a few days ago with my post entitled "can I lean on you guys?". Well, suddenly my situation took a turn for the worse and now I REALLY need support so I'm hoping you all can help me.

Just to recap, I broke up with my now ex, on Tuesday of this week. Long story short, he's an addict that is now back on pills, alcohol, and most recently, crack. Well, last night his friend/landlord/boss called me while I was out getting my hair done. He's done this in the past to ask me if my ex was "up to no good". Last night he apologized for calling after the breakup, but he said he was about to kick my ex out and fire him if he's doing what he thinks he is. I confirmed his suspicions and told him everything. The friend also confided in me that my ex is a true player and uses everyone.

Here is where I am hurt. The friend told me that my ex called him the day I broke up with him and said "I'm going to jennifer's" - (she is an "ex" who he claimed to his friend nauseates him, and he only stays with her and has sex with her to get xanax and whatever other pills she gives him). Well, the night I broke up with him that's where he went and he was there last night also. I tried to text him with a simple "can we talk?" (I just wanted to make sure he was ok and make sure he wasn’t really at a motel doing something horrible) and I got a text back that said "f*** you!". I was so hurt and upset all night long that I didn’t sleep and now I'm at work basically just trying to hang in there. The friend said its for the best and that I did a smart thing by leaving when I did. It just hurts that he is so quickly able to be with someone else after I left and that he is so vicious and unwilling to even speak. I'm just so confused and hurt here and I'm waiting for Monday to get here so I can see my new counselor. I'm just hoping in the meantime you all can just lend some support and give some words of advice. I have plans tonight to see my best friend and I don’t even want to see her, I just want to go home and curl up in bed and sleep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 11:18am

Take things one day at a time. Go out with your friend....even though you may not feel like it, it will help get your mind off things.

Try not to text/email or call him. I didnt read your previous post, but if he's spiraling downward, he's gotta want to help himself. Dont get tangled up that you spin downward too. Sounds harsh-but it's not.

HUGE hugs--hang in there!
Deb

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 11:01pm

Yellow,


Hi. Painful as it is to breakup with anyone your Ex didn't leave you for another woman...he left you for a drug supplier and yet another fix. He doesn't care who they are or what he has to do to get his drug(s). To him sex is just another route to his fix. Period.


So, do yourself a favor. Wave good bye to a bad thing and don't look back. You deserve to be healthy so you can have healthy relationships with healthy people. I am glad you are seeing a counselor. I also suggest you find a local chapter of AL ANON the sister organization of Alcoholics Anonymous. They can help you see how you aren't responsible for your Ex or his behavior and also help you avoid getting involved with the same kind of addicted person in the future.


You deserve better.


P.S. Stop trying to contact your Ex. Unless you have drugs or money to buy drugs, he isn't interested in a "relationship." Wave good bye and don't look back. You aren't responsible for him or what happens to him.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 7:24pm
Yellow - Many, many years ago I dated a guy who developed a number of addictions. It's amazing - our desire to help someone or fix someone who doesn't want to help or fix themselves is SO strong. I left him. Two months later he was homeless and begging for money to buy drugs or alcohol. A month after that he was dead. It took me a long time to not blame myself. Trust me - you don't want to even hear about this guy any more. The less you know about him, the easier it will be to get over him. Get as far away from any connection to him as possible so that, when he does hit bottom, you don't have to feel guilty or responsible, and you don't have to feel like you should try to help. You can't so you need to protect yourself.