HELP PLEASE!
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HELP PLEASE!
| Mon, 09-26-2005 - 4:24pm |
I'm new on this, but I need advice. I am continously getting advice from people I know, but I want someone to hear me out.
I have been married to my husband for nearly three years. We got married shortly after I was 17, he was 24. I went against my parents, snuck around to see him, and eventually ran my mouth enough to where my parents wanted me to marry him because they were at a loss for what to do, they had already had him arrested and placed me on probation, and still nothing worked, they suffered through this for about six or seven months.
I left my entire life and moved into a different county, where I had no friends. My husband said that he had no issues with my friends and if I wanted to see them, I could. But being newlyweds and young, I lost contact with all of them.
Things were fine for awhile, we had little arguements, but nothing major. Then one day, the day after Christmas, in fact, we were riding in our car, and he got mad at something i said. He began to run the car off the road, and act odd. I slapped him. In the face and I admit it.
He took me to his parents house and left me there for two days, wouldn't call me or answer my calls. I was miserable.
In order to not make this long, we reconsiled. Simply, he never apologized, but I did profusely.
Eventually as months progressed, he began to make references of things I did wrong, such as leaving the shower curtain out or putting the toilet paper roll on wrong. Little things, but I heard them everyday and still continue to do so. They began to hurt, he began to attack ME, saying that I was stupid and blah, blah, blah and then deny it when I asked him why he said it.
He would get mad and leave for hours at a time, never telling me where he went. Never have been alone by myself for that long, considering I led a very sheltered life @ my parents, this scared me. I didn't like him leaving.
He would hit me, he would bite me, whatever it took. He threatened to throw glass jars at me, he told me to not make him do things he'd regret, and said that he would gladly go to jail. I don't know how long this went on.
One thing led to another, and he disliked my parents, my friends, he would spend money like crazy and then blame me for it, he badmouthed me to his parents, whatever. He hit me on occasion, sometimes it really hurt. He'd choke me, throw me into walls, things that made me feel terrified. But then when he came home, I was so glad that when he came home, he wasn't still mad and it was never talked about. I remember, he'd lock me out of my home, he had left me thirty miles from home with no car and unable to drive because my finger was broken. He has told me he hated me, he wants a divorce, whatever. But I hear these things so much and I am beginning to become dull to it all.
Last year, my husband spent two weeks in jail for aggravated domestic assault. The police took pictures, the STATE pushed the case, I didn't. I went to the hospital from the fact that I have TMJ and my jaw was locked when he hit me. I told the policeman everything that had happened to me in that year and a half and it felt good to finally tell someone who might could do something about it.
They arrested my husband and I stayed at a friend's house over night. Someone, I still do not know who, bonded my husband out of jail and he called me 15 times in the course of three hours. When I finally checked my phone, there were messages of how sorry he was and all that.
I went back home, and the issue seemed to be dropped, he didn't hit me, until a week later. This time, my best friend called the police, and my they kept him with no bond.
Another long story short, the case ended with him being placed on probation for three years, with a no violent contact order between the two of us.
However, my husband has still put his hands on me after that. Just not as much, and not as noticeably afterwards. He his worse in his insults and mental anguish. He has changed jobs alot, spends money to the point of where we have been evicted, he has filed bankruptcy at 25 and now at 20, I will have to because I have no choice. I took an apartment in my name, I have a good job, and try my hardest. I have no kids, I'm just a kid myself. He refuses to clean the house unless I do clean it first. He uses his paycheck for his money and mine is his as well, I don't even know when he gets paid.
I know that sex shouldn't be the basis for a marriage but I do know that it counts for something. The sex is horrible, he gets his after about a minute and I promise I am not exaggerating. He lays there, I get no contact at all, and when it's over for him, it's over period. It bores me, is there something wrong with me?
I don't think my husband has cheated on me, but I don't know for sure. I have on him. He doesn't know it, I don't know if he suspects. I think that's one reason why I am so confused.
I just wish someone could tell me their opinion of my situation. I don't make alot of money and I am worried about my financial situation. Sometimes, I want to leave, I have come so close as packing my clothes, and getting an apartment. But in the end he came with me.
Can someone please help me decide what I should do? I know it is ultimately up to me and him, but any kind of input would be helpful, no one I know has been through a divorce and I don't know what to do. We've done court ordered counseling to no avail. They thought that he might have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or anger management issues, but nothing has worked, his therapist said he didn't think so.
For 20 years old, I feel my life is way to hard, and I also know that most of it is self inflicted.
Edited 9/26/2005 4:28 pm ET ET by lhsdev13
I have been married to my husband for nearly three years. We got married shortly after I was 17, he was 24. I went against my parents, snuck around to see him, and eventually ran my mouth enough to where my parents wanted me to marry him because they were at a loss for what to do, they had already had him arrested and placed me on probation, and still nothing worked, they suffered through this for about six or seven months.
I left my entire life and moved into a different county, where I had no friends. My husband said that he had no issues with my friends and if I wanted to see them, I could. But being newlyweds and young, I lost contact with all of them.
Things were fine for awhile, we had little arguements, but nothing major. Then one day, the day after Christmas, in fact, we were riding in our car, and he got mad at something i said. He began to run the car off the road, and act odd. I slapped him. In the face and I admit it.
He took me to his parents house and left me there for two days, wouldn't call me or answer my calls. I was miserable.
In order to not make this long, we reconsiled. Simply, he never apologized, but I did profusely.
Eventually as months progressed, he began to make references of things I did wrong, such as leaving the shower curtain out or putting the toilet paper roll on wrong. Little things, but I heard them everyday and still continue to do so. They began to hurt, he began to attack ME, saying that I was stupid and blah, blah, blah and then deny it when I asked him why he said it.
He would get mad and leave for hours at a time, never telling me where he went. Never have been alone by myself for that long, considering I led a very sheltered life @ my parents, this scared me. I didn't like him leaving.
He would hit me, he would bite me, whatever it took. He threatened to throw glass jars at me, he told me to not make him do things he'd regret, and said that he would gladly go to jail. I don't know how long this went on.
One thing led to another, and he disliked my parents, my friends, he would spend money like crazy and then blame me for it, he badmouthed me to his parents, whatever. He hit me on occasion, sometimes it really hurt. He'd choke me, throw me into walls, things that made me feel terrified. But then when he came home, I was so glad that when he came home, he wasn't still mad and it was never talked about. I remember, he'd lock me out of my home, he had left me thirty miles from home with no car and unable to drive because my finger was broken. He has told me he hated me, he wants a divorce, whatever. But I hear these things so much and I am beginning to become dull to it all.
Last year, my husband spent two weeks in jail for aggravated domestic assault. The police took pictures, the STATE pushed the case, I didn't. I went to the hospital from the fact that I have TMJ and my jaw was locked when he hit me. I told the policeman everything that had happened to me in that year and a half and it felt good to finally tell someone who might could do something about it.
They arrested my husband and I stayed at a friend's house over night. Someone, I still do not know who, bonded my husband out of jail and he called me 15 times in the course of three hours. When I finally checked my phone, there were messages of how sorry he was and all that.
I went back home, and the issue seemed to be dropped, he didn't hit me, until a week later. This time, my best friend called the police, and my they kept him with no bond.
Another long story short, the case ended with him being placed on probation for three years, with a no violent contact order between the two of us.
However, my husband has still put his hands on me after that. Just not as much, and not as noticeably afterwards. He his worse in his insults and mental anguish. He has changed jobs alot, spends money to the point of where we have been evicted, he has filed bankruptcy at 25 and now at 20, I will have to because I have no choice. I took an apartment in my name, I have a good job, and try my hardest. I have no kids, I'm just a kid myself. He refuses to clean the house unless I do clean it first. He uses his paycheck for his money and mine is his as well, I don't even know when he gets paid.
I know that sex shouldn't be the basis for a marriage but I do know that it counts for something. The sex is horrible, he gets his after about a minute and I promise I am not exaggerating. He lays there, I get no contact at all, and when it's over for him, it's over period. It bores me, is there something wrong with me?
I don't think my husband has cheated on me, but I don't know for sure. I have on him. He doesn't know it, I don't know if he suspects. I think that's one reason why I am so confused.
I just wish someone could tell me their opinion of my situation. I don't make alot of money and I am worried about my financial situation. Sometimes, I want to leave, I have come so close as packing my clothes, and getting an apartment. But in the end he came with me.
Can someone please help me decide what I should do? I know it is ultimately up to me and him, but any kind of input would be helpful, no one I know has been through a divorce and I don't know what to do. We've done court ordered counseling to no avail. They thought that he might have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or anger management issues, but nothing has worked, his therapist said he didn't think so.
For 20 years old, I feel my life is way to hard, and I also know that most of it is self inflicted.
Edited 9/26/2005 4:28 pm ET ET by lhsdev13

I want you to step out of your shoes and read your post. If you leave your husband what do you have to lose? The only thing you gain is the chance of life. One of these days he will take it too far and he could seriously hurt you worse then he has before. I recommend calling a womans shelter to get the answers you need. Thank god you do not have any children with him.
The number one thing you need to do is leave. Dont worry about him, just worry about yourself. There is help available, please use it.
Take Care
You are being abused. You have WAY too much life to live left to stay where you are. Please click the links below & post your story there. Do you know how to post a link, or to cut & paste? if so, please do it. If not, let me know &
Getting yourself out safe is the best advice I have heard.
I think, that is the greatest nitch of advice you could ever take.
Hugs to you and please please please, get out.... before it's too late.
Angelena
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d
PLEASE get the help you need and get out of there.... your last sentance is 100% correct and the ONE REASON you need to leave.
Hugs to you and please please please, get out of there.
Angelena