Help, STBXH may be introducing OW

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Help, STBXH may be introducing OW
8
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 8:40am
Yikes, I got a call from the husband of the OW last night. She was irate because, he can't take their daughter this weekend and she has important plans. Well, my stbxh has my boys this Saturday and an Sunday. We only separated one month ago and he has only had the boys for one weekend. I made it clear that the child psychologist said under no circumstances should he meet a new "partner" for at least six months. Hell, how about 6 weeks?!?!?! Has anyone had success with the family courts in this situatuon? I'd like to ask for full custody until the final divorce degree on on the grounds that my stbxh isn't making sound parenting decisions regarding the children's psychological health.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 12:42pm
Well, not that anyone is interested but, my lawyer is having knee surgery today and his secretary doesn't think there is any emergency legal action that can be taken to prevent him introducing the adultress to my children. My sister says to have their therapist call their dad and say he thinks it would be harmful to the children, as they have had no time to adjust. Then, at least, if he goes forward, it would be against the advice of a mental health professional and the childrens mothers wishes and he will look like a selfish jerk for the courts later. I am just so worried he will do it and say, don't tell mom. He did this recently. Told the kids about a trip he took to Disney world with his "friend" and said, "but, don't tell mom". Of course they did and I documented it with the therapist. The guy is such a selfish jerk!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 1:57pm
This is something I worry about with stbx. He has said he thinks it is okay to just introduce gf as a friend. Come on. I know him he will be acting like a teenager. I pray it does not happen anytime soon. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

 

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 2:52pm

Yikes,

I sympathize with your plight, however at the risk of being flamed it is best not to fight over this issue. I guess you could try to get full custody until the divorce is final, but eventually he will be able to do on his own time with the children what he wants to do unless he is doing physical harm.

The same thing happened to me and all I can do is teach my son when he is with me about morals and values.

Hugs to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 3:27pm

I don't think you'll be flamed. I know I'll have to stomach it at some point. Its just too soon to be good for the kids at all. The fact that he selfishly is exposing them without regard for their wellbeing really pisses me off. If he does confirm that he is planning something, I guess my last action will be to have the Dr. call stbxh and at least tell him its a bad idea.

Thanks for the hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 11:22am
I just went through the same thing with my stbx. He left in August and I have held him off on overnights thus far. The first one is coming up next weekend. My ds is 5 years old and just met the ow 2 weeks ago, without my knowledge or permission. Stbx and I had previously agreed that he needed to build a loving and trusting relationship between him and ds before he introduced ow. Well, since that discussion, he saw ds 2 times. He came to pick up ds and took him to Chucky Cheese where ow and her other kid were waiting. I was livid. His response was that he is a grown man and when he has ds for a visit he can do whatever he wants. Obviously, it didn't matter what we had agreed upon. My attorney said that, in essence, he was right, that he can do as he pleases, and no, we can't legally make him do the right thing. He is what he is.
I hope that this does not happen to you, but unfortunately it is the reality of the situation. We have to be strong for our kids and try to teach them, as best we can, what is right and wrong. In my case, the stbx and his ho are not going to be the ones doing this. They have no morals. She is expecting his bastard sometime this summer, so that will be another mess I'll have to clean up after.
Good luck to you. I wish you the best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 12:35am

OMG!!!! stbxh pulled a freaking whopper!!!! This was his weekend to have the boys...well, he said he was working overtime last night and couldn't take them till this am. I called the plant and he wasn't working...looked on our joint checking acct and he was at a local bar.

It gets much worse....

Calls early in the am and says when can I have my boys? I'm like" aren't you tired, you worked last night? Says he'll manage. I point out that I know he didn't work last night and tell him the boys will be ready at 9:30. Anyhoo, my son made a Pinewood Derby car this week to race today. Told stbxh that he would be taking him, emailed the info. and put it on the visitation calender. Well, he shows up and when I remind him, he acts like he has never heard of it. They leave. Come to find out they blew off the Derby and he took them to Port Discovery (a Childrens Museum) with the OW and her daughter. Holy freakin' crap!!!!! Are you kidding me?!?!?!? So, I called my kids to say goodnight and ask my son: How was the derby? He says FINE!!!! Talked to the younger one who tells me, oh we didn't go, we went to this fun place. Asked for my older boy back (he's 8)and tell him he doesn't need to lie and I'm not mad but, we can't lie about stuff. stbxh, gets on the phone and says that son didn't want to go and he wasn't making him. This guy makes me soooo sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Grrrr........

I am stunned!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 1:01am
I'm sorry your stbxh is being irresponsible about the introduction. I've been there, too. Mine decided to let the kids know about the ow (they already knew her, they just didn't know they were together) just days before the kids and I had to move out of the only house they'd ever known. About that same time he decided to up and quit being my oldest son's cub scout leader. The kids' therapist told him that he should absolutely NOT be spending time with the kids and the OW together for at least 6 months or more. I sat there in the therapist's office while xh acted all agreeable and like he was going to do exactly what the dr. said....and the very next time he had the kids, he took them with the OW to Incredible Pizza! The most responsible guys become irresponsible morons in these situations. I'm sorry you are dealing with this...I hope it gets better!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 8:37am
Yeah, therapist told me 6 months too. stbxh won't go to therapy so, all I could do is pass along the info. Thanks for the kind words.