HELP!!!I'm so messed up again!
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HELP!!!I'm so messed up again!
| Sat, 07-21-2007 - 4:44pm |
Well I have only posted on here a couple of times. I read alot of your stories and can relate to some of them. My story is a bit different in that my husband has moved out(6 long wks ago) but has been in contact with me via text or phone every day. My daughter went to camp so as a family we drove her down. The trip didn't go so well as his "friend" kept texting him or phoning the whole time we were away. He never answered them as he didn't want to cause me any grief and he didn't tell her that he was even taking me with him to drop our DD off. This week went by and the contact continued every day. Last night we went as a family again to pick DD up from camp. He had told me he was excited about spending time with us and the texts throughout the day has many I Love You's etc. in them. We got back home and things were great. We made love and then the dreaded time came for him to depart back to the "friend's" house. He has been living with her since he moved out. In the past 6 weeks he has been over to our home and at least once a week we have made love. To make a long story short, I still love him with all of my heart and will take him back in a heart beat. After last night I told him he didn't have to leave, his comment "was all of my stuff is over there". The only thing he took when he left was his clothes. Well it is now late afternoon and I haven't received one text or phone call from him. I know I have been used so badly by him and this other woman in my mind is very obsessed with him. He is a great guy and I can't believe that he has done this to me. I honestly think that he is confused and he doesn't really know what he wants, the carefree life with the gf or a future with myself and our 3 kids. We have been together for 20 years. I'm not ready to throw it all away, but guess he is. What can I do?? Help please! I know you will all say stay away from him and no contact at all but I can't I love him to much.

Thanks for your post and I hope soon I will be able to take control of my life again.
Wow we all seem to be having the same feelings. I have only posted a couple of times my H has been gone for 2 months now. I do not think he is in a relationship with another W but I do think he has stepped over the line one or more times. We have done nothing but argue since he left, because I want him home with me and the kids(we have 3). He has told his mother who I am close to that he can never come home because he has made to many mistakes. We have also still been making love which at the moment is great and than once he leaves I want to kick myself in the butt for giving into him. It is hard not to because I still love him with all of my heart. It also angers me that he feels he gets to decide whether he has made to many mistakes to come home, I think that should be my choice not his. I have decided to try to go with the 180 plan that is in the book Divorce Busting book, it seems to work when I stick with it...but it is so hard when all you want to do is be with that person. I have done good though I have quit calling him and rushing to the phone when he calls, he also started trying to argue with me this morning and I just hung up...which is a hugh step for me I usually fall right into it. I have also gone to legal aid and talked with an attorney, she accepted my case but after I talked to her it hit me like a ton of bricks, I have decided I am not ready for that just yet. I still am trying to hold on to the hope that something good can come of all of this for the kids and I. I am normally such a strong person, but this has completely destroyed me I feel like all I have done is cryed for 2 months now. I can say that it is getting easier as long as I do not talk to him or see him. The bad part about that though is I have to due to us having kids together. I just keep praying for strength to get through this no matter which way it goes.
C
I had my husband pick up my daughter at swimming lessons and bring her home this afternoon. Bad move I know, but I wanted so badly to see him. Anyways his so called Friend is to go away this weekend to pick her son up at her sisters. I have asked him not to go and spend the weekend with the kids and I. Telling her a lie that he is working in another town for the weekend would work, as he's been working in this other town for the last two weeks. I know he will seriously think about this as he told me he is trying to find time away from her to spend with us. Like I said, she is very obsessive and I think he's finally realizing this after many months of me telling him. I'd love him to do this and when she finds out, see how she reacts. She'd probably flip and then he'd see her true side. I know I should keep his sorry a** outta my life, but it's impossible when I have such strong feelings for him. Our kids are 14,9 and 5 and he's been a pretty good father to them and I'd hate to take that away from them. The stupid thing for the last month is that we have been getting along better than we had for the last 6 months. Our contact with each other has been more each day than it had been for months. Communication is finally coming together and I hope not too late! The only thing we seem to fight about the last month is money. And that actually hasn't happened a whole lot. I know he wants to help us out, but doesn't have the $$ to do it. And that is not because he's spending most of it on her. He just doesn't have it to spend. Never did and not sure if he ever will. Keep posting and keep me informed of your situation. I wish you luck and hope that things will work out for all of us who are in this situation. Take care!
Well there seems to have been a break through tonight with my H. I have been trying to do the 180 plan everyone talks about and it seems to be working for me. My H came tonight and was trying to get me to give him attention like I always do and I resisted. When he tried to argue with me I would not do it and walked away from him. He has called several times trying to say that I have moved on with my life and that I do not need him anymore, which is the things I have said to him before I started trying to do this 180 plan. My H also said that he wanted to stay here at the house tonight but because I was being so distant he just went back to his place. Hopefully this a big step in the right direction, It makes me feel kind of back in control of myself and not so desperate. I am also glad I have been able to stick with this for a week(even though I know that is not very long it is when you love someone and want nothing but to be with them).
C
He's a stupid man. He moved straight in with his girlfriend when in actual fact if he was unsure if he wanted to stay in his marriage then he should have had some time out from both of you. He'll never make up his mind while you're both giving him exactly what he wants. You need to cut off all contact with him except for matters relating to the children.
Believe me I know. My H had an A for 6 years. His girlfriend rang and told me after our DS was born 4 years ago and I threw DH out. He fencesat, same as your H, for a year and a half and finally seemed to be postive he wanted me and the kids. We sold up that house, bought another, got into a stack of debt trying to "make him happy". I never got over it, he still contacted her after we moved into the new house.
As far as I know he's been faithful for the past 2 years BUT he's not in love with me. I feel it in every inch of my body. I'm no longer in love with him. Too much hurt, too much betrayal, too much everything. Our house has just gone on the market and we're splitting for good. It has been a hellish 4 years since DDay. The children suffered at the beginning but they've also suffered through the whole 4 years (and the previous 6 that he was in his A). My DD can't wait to get out of this house and for us to separate because she thinks of this house as doom and gloom, anger and fighting...
As long as your husband acts like a child and doesn't accept what he is doing to you and your children. As long as he has his cake and eats it too, you will never feel happy. You deserve better and so do your children. Don't make my mistake and believe you are doing the right thing for the kids. The right thing for the kids is that their mum and dad are both happy whether that be alone or together. Some guys get it together and maybe he will choose you but not while he is allowed both.
Cut him loose and don't give in until you have proof that he is with you 100%.
Hugs and please let me know how else I can help. I've been through it all.....and I'm coming out the other end a happier and much stronger person.
Love Gabby