HELP!Worried about BF and him surviving
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| Sun, 07-15-2007 - 12:24pm |
Hi there,
I should have worded the title differently... I know he WILL survive, but how do I help him?
My boyfriend is separated, not yet divorced. I'm unsure why it is taking this long for the divorce to go through, but I don't feel I'm in the position to force him or pressure it. I know it is a traumatic thing to go through. He's been separated for about 2 1/2 yrs but on and off. This is the longest he has been sepated for (9 months consecutively). He said he is waiting for her to file. They both hired and paid (partially) lawyers but that's as far as it's gone. They have 2 children, a lot of assets... I believe she is out there dating also.
Anyway, since I don't feel it is my place to keep asking him what is going on and about the process, I thought I could get some answers here. Do people usually delay getting the divorce for financial reasons or to avoid the stress doing it, and is it common to take a while to do it? From what I understand, she has all the documents she needs. Also, in my state I think you must be separated for 18 months consecutively (in different houses) to get divorced. Is that right for New Jersey?
My other question has to do with his adapting to being without his children. He is having such a hard time. He has nightmares every night. Wakes up sweating and moaning and crying every night. I feel so bad. I don't know what much to do. I try to support him and console him and tell him it'll get better. He has worries over them and not being there or being a good dad. He's a wonderful dad, though, when he is with them. He sees them as much as he can, but his work schedule also prevents him from seeing them. It's tough. He sometimes wonders how he'll get through this. I wonder sometimes if he'll go back to his wife, even though I think she also definitely wants the divorce.
Does it get easier at all for the man being without his children??? How can I help support him and will he ever be happy again? He said he feels selfish when he's without them, enjoying things, and also as if he abandoned them. He just has so much worry. I don't know what I can do for him? Are there support groups for fathers?? How long will he have this intense anxiety?? I am worried for him.
Edited 7/15/2007 2:25 pm ET by njrungirl
| Sun, 07-15-2007 - 4:12pm |
