here we go again

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
here we go again
15
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 9:03am
I can not believe that after 7 months I am in the same place or worse than before-my STBX and I had met 2 weeks ago and hammered out an agreement that was give and take on both sides but since then he talked to his lawyer and says arbitration is no longer in the works since it is too costly and "judges are free???" so he has more room to negotiate and no longer agrees to the terms we had come to. I am forcing myself out of bed every morning and just stuck in limbo that seems to work so well for him. I don't even know where to start. STBX says he wants to take it out of lawyers' hands but doesn't as long as it seems to be working for him. I'm overwhelmed-overfrustrated and just really discouraged that a lawyer would advise him to take this to court because it is cheaper than arbitration would be. I am barely making it month to month while STBX lives off his mother-how can it be this important to get me out of his life that we end up spending money we do not have for him to ensure I end up with nothing. It is not worth any of this pain to me.

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Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 4:48pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 5:50pm

Iladyja


Can't tell you how much it means to hear support when I feel I just can't vent to anyone-everyone is tired of hearing about it-especially me! I've tried so hard to keep a sense of humor but when I keep getting slapped down with how inadequate I was I find myself wallowing in that self pity that I don't deserve. This was all my husband's idea for a divorce-totally out of the blue-yet every aspect becomes how badly he is being treated and how demeaning I am to him. How demeaning does he think it

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 8:13pm

Well maybe if you took an interest in his toys he would be more likely to negotiate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 9:58pm

Well it's 9:30 so I guess I can assume my lawyer will not be getting back to me today. Having all weekend to worry and then get no response today either has made for several really long days. I do know that my STBX knows exactly what buttons to push with me-the day we met last week

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 9:00am

How can they freeze your joint account and leave you with anything?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 10:21am
Hi iladyja, I loved your reply! Its so uplifting to see everyone each cheer other on! Thankyou! I am trying to figure out what to do myself. IM trying to not be stuck with this house. H is buying new toys and IM afraid that financially he wont be able to afford this house. See Betrayed Spouses under mortgage...Hes enjoying his life new GF, new truck, new Harley and IM left picking up the pieces! I was looking forward to moving next year closer to work, our daughter was looking forward to college in a new town and his selfishness may have screwed that up for us again. DId you refinance then do the marital settlement agreement?? I was thinking maybe I should try to get him to refi in his name and see if he can?? Any thoughts?? ~Mary~
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 10:38am
Mornings are always so bad-especially ones like this when I've gone without sleep a few days in a row. I hate being alone and know that sounds ridiculous but this is such a big house and I have never lived alone. Lived with my STBX in college and just always had work to fill the days. After now after I guess close to 8 months I can't believe I still wake up crying some mornings and spend so much time pretending I am OK to others so they won't commit me or something. If I had wanted to live like this I would have left him so long ago-I just feel like I put up with so much to get stuck in this limbo-still no call from my lawyer and that hurts too-I'm not aggressive enough to stand up for myself and have to be dehydrated from all these tears-why would someone wait until they've built a dream retirement home and wait until you didn't have work anymore to occupy days and minds-I hate every bit of this-I can't believe I allowed thisto happen
Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 10:54am

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 10:58am

STBX is to refinance and buy me out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 11:23am
Hi thanks for your reply...the toys hes bought are while we have been separated and none are in my name so hes responsible for them. I am trying to fill out the marital settlement agreement and need to figure out wether I should put the refi on it....if he cant do it then , I will have to rewrite it? I was thinking of asking him to refi before I get it on the MSA, to see if he can if not then I will have to take the house. Are you glad your going through mediation?? Does it only help when you are having trouble with agreeing on things in the settlement agreement?? How is the pension problem looking for you?? Does mediation help with that?? Thanks ~Mary~

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