here we go again

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
here we go again
15
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 9:03am
I can not believe that after 7 months I am in the same place or worse than before-my STBX and I had met 2 weeks ago and hammered out an agreement that was give and take on both sides but since then he talked to his lawyer and says arbitration is no longer in the works since it is too costly and "judges are free???" so he has more room to negotiate and no longer agrees to the terms we had come to. I am forcing myself out of bed every morning and just stuck in limbo that seems to work so well for him. I don't even know where to start. STBX says he wants to take it out of lawyers' hands but doesn't as long as it seems to be working for him. I'm overwhelmed-overfrustrated and just really discouraged that a lawyer would advise him to take this to court because it is cheaper than arbitration would be. I am barely making it month to month while STBX lives off his mother-how can it be this important to get me out of his life that we end up spending money we do not have for him to ensure I end up with nothing. It is not worth any of this pain to me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 12:16pm

I am confused--if you have agreed to the terms of the divorce, then why would you need to go to arb?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 1:12pm

I just got off the phone with my lawyer and he totally agrees with you. STBX's lawyer is wanting this to go to a jury trial to run up costs-this is the same lawyer who deposed me for 3 1/2 hours about books I was reading. Because STBX and I had met and agreed but not gotten it in writing-(when I sent him the agreement is when he said no deal because he didn't have to worry about arbitration any more) He acts like he wants to settle then backs down because his lawyer steps up and puts in his $300 worth! My fury and frustration is that I earned more than STBX until I retired and we never had money to do anything according to him-I feel like I did without for 30 years and now get stuck when I thought I could "enjoy life". Money ruled our marriage and it is taking down the divorce. We are basically fighting over money we don't have-equity in a house in the worse housing market possible.


On the plus side my lawyer says that by refusing to consider arbitration STBX is going to look worse in front of a judge who will want to know that every attempt was made to avoid a trial. I just can't believe this is dragging on-the emotionnal mental strain is definitely showing.

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 1:34pm

Mediation was court ordered for us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 3:53pm
Do you have to go through mediation?? I thought that once you filled out the Marital Settlement Agreement and you both agree to every thing you file it, then its reviewed, then done?? I live in Florida and was told that as long as we both agree on Everything, we don't have to go through lawyers?? But I may need to anyway to make sure I get what I'm entitled from his pension. Your almost there, I'M not sure if I should envy you because your almost through with everything, and Im just beginning the process, or be sad for you?? Its so sad all we are going through. I'M filing not because I want to but to keep my sanity, as my H is fence sitting and not showing any signs as getting off anytime soon. I have to move on as I can't stand this limbo..........I wish you happiness! Things will be better all of us.....Thanks for your help! ~Mary~
Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 4:06pm

Every state is different.

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