He's done it again.

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
He's done it again.
10
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 10:09pm

DS and I were going to his dad's today, as he was going to watch him while I went to my counselling appointment. I started up the car, and DS got in. He said, "Mom can I sit up front?" I said, "Honey, you have to sit in the back seat in your booster seat. Kids aren't allowed to sit up front in our car." Then he said, "But dad lets me sit up front. He let me sit up front when we went to the demolition derby Saturday night.". I said, "WHAT!?!?" He said, "Yeah, I got in the front, and dad said it was ok." I had let STBX borrow my Durango, because it's safer than his piece of crap, and the booster is in the back.
Anyway, We get to STBX's, and I pull him aside and ask him about what DS said. His reply was, "DS wanted to ride in front, so I let him." I told him, "Uh, he isn't allowed to ride in the front seat BECAUSE there is an airbag there. There is a RED and YELLOW CAUTION sign right on the visor that says: Children under 12 can be KILLED if the airbag deploys." Not only that, but I think it's illegal.
Later, when I picked up DS, he told me on the way home that STBX told him that he doesn't need to follow the rules. WTF is wrong with this "man"!? I am so mad, I could spit nails. Last year, younger DS lost one of his best friends in a car accident. DS's pediatrician was on call at the ER when the boy came in, and he indicated that he wasn't in a booster seat, and just a regular seatbelt in the 3rd row of a minivan. I got the impression that his neck had been broken, and if he'd been in a booster seat, it might have made a difference. This is one of the BEST peds in our area, and I believe him. He also said that kids under 4'9" SHOULD be in a booster seat. We had gone to the boy's wake, and I went to the funeral; I'm good friends with the boy's father. STBX was upset about the accident, so why is he doing this? I told my lawyer about it, and she is ready to nail his ass to the wall for endangering our son like this. Evidently, both times that they used my car to go to the races, DS rode up front. He wore his seat belt, but the auto company says that it is a hazardous spot for a child. I know it could be a lot worse, but I don't like what he's teaching my son about flaunting his contempt for the law like this. I told DS "I don't CARE what people tell you, I'M telling you: YOU SIT IN THE BACKSEAT from now on, and wear your seatbelt! It is the LAW, and that's that."

Any advice? STBX has a 25+ year old truck, which is in decent repair (he's a mechanic), but it's awkward and HUGE. No shoulder belts, just a lapbelt. He just put together a muscle car, which is self-expanatory LOL. It's fast, LOUD and while it does have seatbelts, he likes to drive fast in it. He's in the automotive field, and he just got a really nice newer Ford Taurus in. It's really nice, has up to date seatbelts, safety features, etc. When I saw it, I told him, "Hey, that's a nice car! Are you keeping it for yourself?" I guess he isn't because it's a sedan, and isn't "cool" to drive around in, since it's not a posi traction Mopar with a Hemi, and he can't lay 30 feet of rubber with it as he's picking up DS. The court may think otherwise. My lawyer said that STBX may need to go out and buy a booster seat if he's going to ride with DS.




Edited 8/1/2005 10:15 pm ET ET by susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 6:29am

I agree with you, and I have seen stories of children beheaded by airbags. Email him articles of children killed by sitting in the front seat or not in a car seat. Above the links to the articles, put comments like "this mom went to prison for 12 years for not having her son in a car seat after he was killed in an accident" and "this child was beheaded by an airbag" and "this child is a quadrapalegic and has to eat everything through a straw for life and will never run or play again." Your ex is suffering from the 'it won't happen to me' syndrome that usually affects teenagers, try to alieviate him of his misconceptions.

Then keep working on your son. If he tells his dad he wants to be in a booster then he's dad will be more likely to listen. My dd's school had some safety experts come in and talk to the children about why they should be in seatbelts. See if your community has any programs like that for children and you could take your son, sometimes hearing it from a police officer will resonate more than hearing it from mom.

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Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 8:10am

I'll look around for some articles, and see if my pediatrician has any info. *I* will buy him a booster seat if he won't do it himself! Going to that funeral for the 8 year old was one of the saddest experiences of my life. I can't imagine how his family felt. I don't want that to be us.

STBX is in for a HUGE surprise when we go to court on the 16th. He'll then find out about the infamous home inspection and all his "handiwork", not to mention alimony and child support. He is under the impression that he's exempt for abiding by the law. He isn't, and if he continues to act the way he's acting, he's an even bigger fool than I think e is.

I'll keep you posted.

Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 10:11am

My pediatrician told us (me and my kids---when he was on his "Do you wear your seat belts"... and why it's important) about a child that is a patient of his..... he's 15.... was was involved in a crash and had the shoulder belt behind him, wearing only the lap belt..... and how much this boy was struggling with rehabilitation and how he'd never have the life that he had before... It's sad.... and perhaps your child riding in his old truck with the proper booster seat... properly installed... would be a better guarantee.


Here are some resources:
BuckleUpAmerica.org
BoosterSeat.gov


I do know that if he picks up your child and he isn't properly restrained, you can rightfully not let your child leave with him... and shouldn't!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:08am

I ran into something similar recently.


XH took the kids ( ages 6 and 20 months ) camping. XH slept in a camper with 6 year old and OW. 20 month old slept in the back of a van alone..... When I heard about this I was FURIOUS. ( I have already called CPS and they did their investigation and he told them the details, but wouldn't tell me the details when I asked... LONG STORY )


I asked my XH what happened and he basically said I was nuts for asking and would not tell me the details. After that, I called CPS. The thought of what COULD have happened made me sick to my stomach and made my heart hurt. I thought HOW could he do something SO STUPID!


Because I called CPS, a social worker came to speak with my 6 year old because my 6 year old is the one who told me what happened. When the social worker called me, I explained to my son that "sometimes parents make mistakes and B sleeping in the van alone was a mistake, so the nice man is going to come and talk to you about it and then go talk to Daddy about it so it doesn't happen again"... My son asked "Why was B sleeping alone?" I said, I don't know honey, but B could have really gotten hurt. It was very bad and Daddy made a big mistake allowing that to happen. My son said " Don't worry mommy I can tell Daddy not to do it again".....


My son understands and looks out for his sister. Maybe talking to your son and explaining that sometimes parents make mistakes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:32pm

That's a great idea.... getting kids to KNOW, themselves, what's safe... and why.


I do know that the local police department here offers to show kids how to properly buckle themselves in... and make sure that their booster seats are installed properly.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:45pm

My STBX does the same thing! it falls into the category of eating junk food. he does it to prove he is cool. Of course, way cooler than me!

My older dd is 8 so I make an effort to put her in a booster (esp on long trips) but don't make a fuss if she isn't. BUt my dd4 is not yet 40 pounds. She is SUPPOSED to sit in a car seat with harness. So of course dh lets her just buckle into her booster with the big girl buckle. Then I have to argue with her every time about why he isn't supposed to do this.

In NY they just passed a law requiring boosters for children under 8 years or 80 lbs. I am a Brownie troop leader and I was concerned about safety and liability, so we did a Car seat lesson. I was NOT going to be held liable for an accident if an 8 year old under 80 lbs got injured. Many girls rolled their eyes and said how much they hated the booster. By the time I was done explaining the saftey points, the law, etc, they were much more willing. Believe it or not, many parents dropped the ball on this, refusing to acquire boosters for their girls. One parent REFUSED to let her child sit in a booster in any car. I told her that was fine, but her dd can only ride with her from now on. She is the type of mom who is convinced her children must have special priviliges at all times.

SHEESH!

Anyway, kids of a certain age are old enough to understand the responsibility of a booster. But at some point they will learn just not to tell mommy when certain things happen with dad...and thus we teach them to be manipulative.

Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 2:45pm
I think it's great to talk to kids about safety issues, but I *don't* think it's wise or fair of anyone to expect them to police their parents.
Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 2:55pm

Nope, I agree..... But I do think it is a good idea to instill the ideas of your kids knowing what is right and what is wrong. There is no harm in teaching children that.... but you have to let the children know that sometimes parents make mistakes and that it's ok to tell your parents when you think someone is doing something wrong.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 4:45pm
In my county he may have to pay a $350 ticket plus a special 50 percent additional in taxes (total $525) if he is caught with his child riding this way. It may also cause YOUR insurance to skyrocket if you lent him your car.
Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 5:36pm
Yikes, I hadn't thought that it wouuld affect MY insurance! I lent him my car because my car has the carseat-- I don't mind if he uses the carseat in his car. I'll have to really put my foot down on this particular issue. Thanks for the advice!