He's driving me batty!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
He's driving me batty!
10
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 11:34am

I mean I know he's in a bad mood and all because his mom is on him (he's living with her) ... but does he need to take it out on me?

he talks to our son before bed each nite. last night he asked me to ask him (he's 2) if he loves daddy .. and he said "pa" (grandpa) .. and that totally upset him and he goes, "well I guess you're moving .. I can prove a conflict of interest(we live with my parents right now) .. because he's obsessed with "pa" right now that's a conflict of interest?

So he called me this morning and asked me if he wanted to go see him or if he wanted "pa" .. really snottly like (he gets him on either tuesday or wednesday afternoons) .. I said he wanted to see him. then he asks me what time I'm picking him up this evening, I said what time do you want me to pick him up? He asked if I was picking him up after I got off, and I said, yeah I guess -- and then he said well sometimes you pick him up later .. I again asked what time he wanted me to pick him up and he goes after work trot your little ass out here and pick him up .. then proceded to tell me I'm acting like an a**hole, and then hung up on me. geeze. He's impossible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 12:24pm

I would just put my foot down and say "LOOK... YOU are the only daddy that he has.... and "pa" is a grandparent.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 12:29pm
Well and that's the whole thing, is that Tuesdays/Wednesdays aren't even in "the papers" .. he just asked, I thought it'd be nice, and so he has that time with him. I can't help it that he's obsessed with "pa" .. part of it comes from the fact that he (son) loves vehicles, and Pa drives a tour bus on the weekends, so he thinks pa is cool because of that. I mean come on, when I asked the same question (while he was on the phone) Do you love Momma (which I also think is an unfair question to ask a 2-year old, he doesn't understand), he said "pa" .. ex thinks he's being taught this at home, that pa is his daddy and that grandma is his mom .. I mean he seriously thinks this. He's a little messed up in the head, feeling guildy, whatever ... throwing his weight around again (or trying to telling me I have to move because our son has a fixation with his grandfather, which could just as eaisly exist if we didn't live with my parents) .. I mean come on. Seriously he thinks a court is going to tell me I have to move because he says pa allthe time? he's crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 1:16pm

Klo, he's going to continue driving you batty as long as he can get away with it. Send him a certified letter stating that he is not to use phrases like "trot your little ass" and "a--hole" with you ever again, nor is he to put down or interfere with your son's relationships with other family members. CC your attorney if you have one. Let him know in the letter that if he cannot keep a civil attitude and continues to use extra time with the child as an excuse to abuse you, you will stick to the letter of the court order. It's all you're obligated to do. He needs to learn to play nicely in the sandbox. If he won't do that, he deserves a time out.

And he cannot tell you to move. More accurately, he can waste all the breath he wishes and the court won't give a rip.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this snotty little nitwit. Hugs and strength to you, klo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 1:41pm
I Just think it's funny when he makes all his little thereats, and goes on and on. I was listening to Dr. Laura at lunch today and she was talking with a lady who is 35 (older than me), and living with her parents while raising her son, and Dr. Laura said that there was nothing wrong with it, it wasn't harmful, it was giving her son a family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:24pm

I Just think it's funny when he makes all his little thereats, and goes on and on.


And every time you let him go "on and on" it just teaches him that you're ok with that.

Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:46pm

"So he called me this morning and asked me if he wanted to go see him or if he wanted "pa" .. really snottly like ... I said he wanted to see him."

It is good of you to be put up with his childish attitude. You know the man, so if there is any chance he is going to keep this up for long, then I agree that you can go ahead and remove yourself from having to deal with it.

If he speaks to you in a snotty tone and asks loaded questions, you can say, "I don't like your tone, you sound like a child. Oh, there's the doorbell, call me when you have decided what time you want to pick up your son."

When he calls you back, stick strictly to what time the pick up will be, and if he is not civil or tries to open a non-child subject, get off the phone again. If it is too hard on you, you don't have to take it. You will know what you can bear. And with any luck, he will be one of the millions who does manage to adjust to divorce. It just takes a few years.

Oh, and I agree that there is nothing bad, and EVERYTHING good, in giving your child that extended family. (This may sound prejudiced, but I think that goes double for women who are raising boys. Sorry, I really do think there are some differences in the sexes.) Ignore your Stbx's jealousy. You are doing the right thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 3:00pm

Well... he's forgetting that 2 year olds are very much "in the moment" with whatever they happen to be engaged in right then.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 3:43pm

I have to agree here. Once he starts blowing off steam just hang up. When he calls back, say I will only talk to you if you stop. If he starts again, hang up!


You are enabling the behavior. It took me so long to "get it" where this idea is concerned but once I did, let me tell you, things are MUCH better. No more threats, and when I do get them I just let it roll because I know he is full of it.


Take care and good luck!


Angelena






Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 7:33pm

When I saw in your post that your 2 y/o says "Pa", I had to smile. I am the first of only 2 grandchildren on my mom's side, and the 1st of 4 grandchildren on my dad's side. As I was the firstborn, what I used to call my grandparents stuck, and my brother and cousins also called my grandparents the same thing I did. As a small child, I couldn't say the word "Grandma", so I said, "Ma", and I couldn't say the word "Grandpa", so I called my mom's dad "Pa". I never thought of Pa as my dad, he was just Pa. Likewise, Ma was my grandmother. I'm 37, and my mom's parents have been dead for 18 and 21 years, but we still call them Ma and Pa.

Maybe tell your STBX that your son just cannot pronounce Grandpa.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 9:59am

Tell him it's his job to make sure his son knows his daddy loves him, past that it's his son's job to think and feel whatever he likes.

You need to stand up and not let him take his frustrations out on you. It's the father's job to maintain a relationship with his son, it's your job to not let the father jerk you around to do it. If he asks you to ask your son a question, tell him he can do it you aren't doing it for him. If he can't be nice to you to negotiate pick up and drop of points, insist those discussions happen via email or set a strict schedule and don't deviate from it until he can speak to you with respect.

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