He's Moved on Im still stuck Why

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
He's Moved on Im still stuck Why
9
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 4:50pm

We've been apart for a little over a year and he is on relationship number 2. Says he still has feelings for me but wont act on them because he is happy with who he is with now. Never mind the fact that he cheated on her with me up until 3 wks ago.

I couldnt take it anymore and said I couldnt be the other woman. So now all of a sudden he wants to be faithful to this 20yr old. Im just beside myself with grief. I dont even know why. Im furious that he wants to give her what he didnt give me, I had to share him and now he wants to be faithful to her. Why coudlnt he be faithful to me? Whats wrong with me, he says its too hard to hard to fix the damage between us. But he loves me and just cant be with me now, it wouldnt work for us right now. It makes no sense.

He says he's happy with her and it hurts like hell. How can he just walk away from over 5 years when we have still be initmate off and on in the last year. Sometimes I look in his eyes and see that he wants what i want but then this. How do I get over him forgetting about me and wanting to have something with this girl. Any advice please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 4:57pm

The only thing wrong with you is that you keep expecting him to act the way you want him to act and he's shown you over and over that he won't. Do you really think he's going to be faithful to the 20 year old forever? No, this is something he's doing at the moment because it's what he wants to do at the moment. He doesn't care about how it affects you because he only thinks of himself and what he wants. Later he'll want something different (you or someone else) and he'll do something at that time to get what he wants. It isn't about you or anything you have or that you lack, and it never will be. It will always be about his needs and what he needs when he needs it.

What's going on with you and your emotions is that you've tied your emotional well being to his actions. His actions aren't consistent and they aren't about you, so you end up being jerked around all the time whenever his needs, wants and desires change. You keep letting him in, so he keeps getting to you. The way to get over him is not not let him in anymore, figure out who you are and what you want in your life and go out and get it. When you are happy and fulfilled all on your own, you will be attracted to men who are the same (happy and fulfilled) and you will be more able to have a healthy, stable relationship with someone who doesn't always put their own needs ahead of everyone elses.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 5:57pm
Thank You.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 8:56pm
Anytime.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 11:24am

He says "its too hard to hard to fix the damage between us" because he's not ready to be faithful and respect HIMSELF.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 4:13pm

Karen,

I just printed your response because in so many ways it fits my situation. I love that poem and I will read it often, I might even print a copy of my counselor I think she would like it.

Thank you.

DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 4:32pm

I love that poem, and have kept a copy of it for years.


It's funny, when I was married, but unhappy and still trying to figure out how to make things work, I had a copy of that inside the cover of my DayPlanner... no big secret.... it was there, inside the flap, neatly printed, behind the plastic.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2005
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 11:32pm
It sounds like you need to get out,
meet some new people and have fun! I was
playing around on a website and found
this article.
http://www.mary.com/articles/view.html?aid=57
Hopefully it will help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 8:58am

I bookmarked that site....... looks like one I will check out this afternoon.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 11:56am

I just want to say Thank You to all of you. Any of your suggestions are always helpful.

I had a very bad morning with my ex when he came to pick up our son for the day and I just poured out my heart screaming and crying why didnt he want to be with me, what was wrong with me etc. I know I made a fool of myself and now im so ashamed.

All this time ive been afraid of us never having a chance knowing he was seeing someone else. This is relationship no. 2 for him since the separation and I havent even had relationship no. 1. But he still says he just knows it would'nt work for us right now, too much pain still present. See I changed the locks when i fouund out he cheated again and he cant get over that "i kicked him out" for me it was all the lying, cheating etc, he kicked his own self out.

I have to now endure him taking our son around this 20yr old he seems to want to give his all to now. Its just unbearable that just like that only a year of being apart and he says he is over "us", he's moved on and is happy with her, then tells me this morning he may move to pennsylvania and will ask her to go. But yet when he sends money by western union to his mom or to make his car payment he still uses my address. God this is killing me. Why still use my address?

Thanks for all your support. I really hope time will heal me, im in desperated need of it right now.