He's scared, wants to get together
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| Sat, 08-06-2005 - 2:52pm |
A couple of months ago, I saw an ad for match.com on my comcast startup page. On a lark, I thought it would be interesting to see who was in my area, but when I tried to just look, I found that I had to register, so I registered. When I get the emails every few days from match.com, I just delete them. At the moment I DO NOT have the energy to begin dating.
Last Tuesday, I was working for my chiropractor (whose wife is my mom's best friend; he treats me without charge), doing some filing. I'd told STBX that I was going to be working there in the morning, so DS stayed over at his house the night before, so I could get an early start to the chiro (his office is 45 minutes from my house). While I was there, STBX calls the office phone, asking to speak to me. He claimed that my phone wasn't working, so that was why he called the chiro's office. I had my cell with me, and it was on. If his call didn't go through, it would have said that I had a missed call. It didn't, so I think he was just checking up on me. Anyway, STBX says, "How do I write my email address? Are you blahblahgirl1967?" which is my match.com nickname. I was surprised to hear him say that, so I played dumb, saying, "You know my aol screen name". "So you're not so and so 1967?" "Uh, nope." So, HE was on match.com looking for females, and found my profile. LOL When I got home that day, I deleted the match.com profile/account, and set up a new one, with a different nickname. In the part about who I was, etc., I put that "I'm ready to start living again! I'm done with toxic, self-absorbed individuals-- are you comfortable with yourself and willing to grow inside? I am! :-) I like self-improvement, hanging out with my kids, the Red Sox, history, music, crafts, antiques, moving forward... I believe life is a constant quest to learn about ourselves and how we fit into our world and the people around us."
So, yesterday, STBX was asking if I"d had a date with the chimney sweep, and then he saw that I'd had the dented gasline replaced. I believe he's seen my new profile, and he's a bit freaked/scared that I'm done with him. This morning, he said, "I'm really trying to better myself. Do you think that the situation between us will change?" To put it bluntly, he wants to get back together. I told him that I thought it was about 2 years too late, and I thought that he'd need to do YEARS of therapy before... then I changed my tack, and said at this point in my life (I wanted to say it would be a step BACKWARDS for me, but I was kind) I felt it would be disadvantageous to attempt reconciliation.
I truly believe that STBX is seeing me taking the initiative, and getting things fixed around here WITHOUT ASING HIM FIRST, and he's not liking that. There's NO WAY I'm getting back together with him. It's nice not having him around to f things up with the kids on a day-to-day basis. He still does from afar, but dealing with younger DS is getting so much easier. DS sees that I mean what I say, and I follow through on discipline here, unlike his dad, who caves in after 5 minutes of DS whining to him.
It also occurred to me that I mentioned to STBX that I thought the problems with our cat started after he moved out, and that I thought that she missed STBX. He may have thought that *I* meant that I missed him as well! Yeck! STBX took the cat with him last night, and he can deal with her, and we can go get a dog. :-)

LOL-so many of our exes seem to be so much alike you have to wonder whether they're related. I think my ex liked the security and ego trip of thinking I would always be there if he wanted me back. He wasn't too happy when he realized that I might actually be able to manage without him (I think on some level he really thought I'd just sit around waiting on him, forever). He also asked about me dating. Good for you for moving on with your life and figuring out what you want!
-sang
They are all related, aren't they?