He's still irrational and angry...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
He's still irrational and angry...
2
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 12:54am

...and I don't know what to do.

I just can't deal with my STBX anymore. I'm so sick of having every issue be contentious, yet I can't abide his terms. I requested a break form our collaborative meetings because the anger and frustration was getting out of hand for everyone, and even though I feel more centered and calm overall, he's still making everything an issue.

I was away on the weekend so he had the kids from Thursday afternoon until this morning (Monday). He usually has them Friday night until Sunday night (yes, I let him have every weekend... ugh!)takes the kids on Tuesday night and brings them back Wednesday at dinner time. I told him I'd like to keep the kids Tuesday night and drop them off Wednesday before work, but he won't agree to that. His reasoning is that I chose to be away and he was doing me a favour by taking the kids, so he shouldn't have to give me that extra evening with the kids. It's just so irrational and frustrating.

How the hell can I learn to cope with this for the long term? I don't think it's ever going to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 6:35am
I am sorry that I don't have any advice on coping with your angry, irrational STBX, as I am married to pretty much the same guy, and I don't know how to cope with him most of the time. However, I have to ask: why did you allow him to get the lion's share of time with your kids? If he his toxic to you, he will be to them, too. Every weekend and two days during the week seems a bit unbalanced to me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:10pm

Well, I get the boys 4 nights and he gets them 3. I am in school and he works a regular workweek, so I agreed to letting him have the kids on the weekend when he's off from work and the one week night that I had a night class last semester (he refused to allow me to have a babysitter or family member come and watch them). I don't like the visitation schedule the way it is, but it was the best I could do when I moved out and he was refusing to let me(and physically preventing me from) taking the kids.

The list of his demands goes on and on. I am trying to mediate that all of the time. It is very hard for me to start a new life when I know that he is watching and controlling every thing the kids and I do. Why does writing all of this and seeing it this way make me feel so spineless?