He's where I am....any pointers?
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He's where I am....any pointers?
| Mon, 03-05-2007 - 3:15pm |
I called the lawyers office Friday to make sure they weren't delivering stbx his papers
that day, I told them to call me b4 delivering, however, I was afraid they would goof up and then I would have been home when H got them. That would be scarey. They said no...so I'm thinking ok, during our weekly fight session I'll be able to tell him to shut up and that I have the papers on the way. Well there was no weekly fight...I wasn't feeling well and I'm trying to arrange for 24 hr coverage for my great-aunt at her home so that she can come home asap so I've been really busy. He did tell me I should pencil him in for some time yesterday. I tried talking to him but he's got me so gun shy I cant. He does NOT want to hear that I dont love him...that the feelings aren't there, yada yada, he just KNOWS that if I end things I'll be ruining my daughters life. Since I couldn't talk I tried writing him a note but I only got out a few sentences about why I feel like I cant talk to him. I did however ask him what it is that he thinks is so great about "US" that I cant just throw it away.
He wrote to me and basically told me how the girls are great, and how beautiful he thinks I am...goes on the tell me about a few good times we had 7 years ago when we were first dating....Did I miss the message? I didnt get anything in there that explained how what we have is so special that I cant leave this marriage. He believes marriage is forever, however....this is his 3rd marriage. He says I need to be forgiving of the nasty things he's said and that I've said some back to him....yeah its true...and I told him I CAN FORGIVE....that doesnt mean that I want to be with him anymore. The thought of him touching me makes me cringe, I hope I never have to be in the predicament that I have to peck him a kiss goodbye again, but he tries to do that in front of the girls as much as possible so that they dont see anything wrong.
In the note he said to me---
" I guess I feel that if I wanted to end a relationship with someone, then I don't need them to understand why...and they probably don't care why if they can't change it. So I guess I've been wanting him to understand why but I am just going to keep telling him if you cant change it what does it matter. He also tells me how special I am and that it brings tears to his eyes when he thinks about how special I am and that me & the girls are everything to him and that He will fight like a M'er F'er if I do call this quits.
Well I guess I'm in for a battle and I hope I come out of it ok but I am Done. I am Done, I dont like to see the pain in his eyes but I am just DONE!
Thanks for listening.
that day, I told them to call me b4 delivering, however, I was afraid they would goof up and then I would have been home when H got them. That would be scarey. They said no...so I'm thinking ok, during our weekly fight session I'll be able to tell him to shut up and that I have the papers on the way. Well there was no weekly fight...I wasn't feeling well and I'm trying to arrange for 24 hr coverage for my great-aunt at her home so that she can come home asap so I've been really busy. He did tell me I should pencil him in for some time yesterday. I tried talking to him but he's got me so gun shy I cant. He does NOT want to hear that I dont love him...that the feelings aren't there, yada yada, he just KNOWS that if I end things I'll be ruining my daughters life. Since I couldn't talk I tried writing him a note but I only got out a few sentences about why I feel like I cant talk to him. I did however ask him what it is that he thinks is so great about "US" that I cant just throw it away.
He wrote to me and basically told me how the girls are great, and how beautiful he thinks I am...goes on the tell me about a few good times we had 7 years ago when we were first dating....Did I miss the message? I didnt get anything in there that explained how what we have is so special that I cant leave this marriage. He believes marriage is forever, however....this is his 3rd marriage. He says I need to be forgiving of the nasty things he's said and that I've said some back to him....yeah its true...and I told him I CAN FORGIVE....that doesnt mean that I want to be with him anymore. The thought of him touching me makes me cringe, I hope I never have to be in the predicament that I have to peck him a kiss goodbye again, but he tries to do that in front of the girls as much as possible so that they dont see anything wrong.
In the note he said to me---
" I guess I feel that if I wanted to end a relationship with someone, then I don't need them to understand why...and they probably don't care why if they can't change it. So I guess I've been wanting him to understand why but I am just going to keep telling him if you cant change it what does it matter. He also tells me how special I am and that it brings tears to his eyes when he thinks about how special I am and that me & the girls are everything to him and that He will fight like a M'er F'er if I do call this quits.
Well I guess I'm in for a battle and I hope I come out of it ok but I am Done. I am Done, I dont like to see the pain in his eyes but I am just DONE!
Thanks for listening.

He missed the mark.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I love your advice & I'm so glad that your the CL during my time of need!
Well everyday I wake up feeling like a pile of crap because I still haven't been
able to inform him the papers are coming. They were going to serve them last week
but I had to tell them to wait until this week b/c he was home w/ kids. Lawyers called
yesterday to tell me I have a court date 5/29...OMG thats so far away! She said she really needs to get H's papers served on him soon now b/c he'll get a notification from the courthouse via regular mail anyway. I'm not worried about the mail b/c I always get it & I told her if for some freak reason he decides to get the mail & the court date is in there...then so be it, it was meant to be. I stayed up until 11:30 last night trying to tell him...he knows I have something to say but he doesnt know what. I've told him over and over again that I'm unhappy and that I wanted out but after a few hours of him ranting about how if I'm the only one unhappy in the M then I need to leave or that I'm just being selfish...yada yada I just let it go...I dont change my mind or tell him that I've changed it but I just let it go. He promised me last night that he was not going to get mad no matter what it was that he would know we had to get sleep for work and not argue, but I know better, if he knows that i've been to a lawyer...it will most likely be on. He most likely will get served this Friday afternoon at 4 when he gets home from work. I get off 1/2 days on Friday right now, however I have a great-great aunt waiting in a nursing home for me to get everything lined up for her to return home and I'm very very busy, cleaning her house, lining up a hosp. bed, wheelchair and 24/7 home care providers, I'm having new carpet put in her house to make it more presentable and wheelchair friendly and that happens Saturday so by Friday evening I Must have all the breakables boxed up for the carpet man! ARGH! I really really feel like if I dont get this off my chest before he gets the papers I'm gonna lose it! Then he'll have something to fight with to get our 4 yo DD. CALGON......TAKE ME AWAY
I'm filling up the tub for ya!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
say though. I know it. Everytime I talk he gets mad, or preaches on his soapbox for hours on end and tells me why I'm wrong for wanting to end this nightmare of a marriage.
He kept coaxing me to talk last night...I'm gun shy based on all the years of experience.
I understand.... but he's doing the same thing either way.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~