Hey Everyone! Things are calm & good

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Hey Everyone! Things are calm & good
3
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 8:56pm

here for the time being. I've just been so busy with summer stuff, taking care of the house by myself (yikes! I now *do* appreciate the "man" jobs he always did, lol), etc. Ave & i went to a wonderful family wedding on Block Island for 3 days this past weekend & had a BLAST. & i have to tell you, not having the stress of H there, the moods, the alcohol, the innapropriate comments ... what a RELEIF, for me AND my family!


He has been seeing dd at least 1-2 times a week. I have finally figured out though, the best way to set up the visits. Originally I gave him a calendar, very easy to follow. The month of June had all his regularly scheduled days, every Wed & every other w/end, in red. Then i highlited in yellow every shift

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 8:52am

GOOD FOR YOU!


Hugs to you and Avery.


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 10:16am

Glad to hear things are better and you're happy, Rebecca. I'm wondering - can you set up something in your divorce settlement that he needs to give you notice (such as a week or a few days) when he'll be taking the extra visitation. Right now you have a flexible babysitter and things are agreeable between the two of you, but things could change in the future. If your sitter becomes unavailable and you have to get another one who's not as flexible, or if things become bad between you two again it could become an issue. I know you want Avery to see him as much as possible, but maybe putting the responsibility less on you and more on him might be a goal for the coming months. He has to learn to be financially responsible for himself, and how to take on a parental role on his own. The longer you do things for him that he should be doing for himself, the longer you enable him to not act like an adult. Plus, you're prolonging the role you played when you were together, and that may not be the healthiest thing to do longterm. My ex and I had similar issues when we separated, and I didn't recognize for months that I was continuing in my caretaker role by feeling sorry for him and paying his bills for him, etc. When I finally decided enough was enough, I gave him a budget and showed him how to pay his bills. He had some trouble at first, but when he realized I was no longer going to do it for him he learned.

-sang

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 12:01pm
I'm so glad that things are smoothing out... and that Averey seems to be getting a positive grasp from it, too.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~