Hi. I'm new and need to vent or talk
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| Tue, 09-04-2007 - 6:42pm |
I was married for 11 years. It was a very rough 11 years, we had two young girls and my ex cheated on me, and then when I had met someone and started talking and seeing him, all hell broke lose. Prior to the divorce, we had been separated on and off several times. Once the divorce was final, I moved out and was only out for a couple months when he decided to come to me asking me to move back in with him and buy a house (at the time we were both renting). Honestly, I don't know what made me say yes, but I did. We have lived together ever since. Again, the last 9 years have been rough on and off. One of our biggest problems is communication (me being the worst at it) and the other is our sex life. That is all it ever has been was sex....no intimacy whatsoever. There just isn't that connection with us and I don't know that it was ever there. When I married him, I was barely 20 years old and the thought of being married was more important than our feelings for each other. Now, he is telling me he has met someone, and is confused and wants to pursue this to find out if it is what he wants. Deep down, I know this is the right thing to do. I appreciate that he told me rather than me finding out from someone else, but it doesn't make it easier. I know that if I had that someone to talk to, to spend time with, etc., maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad, but it is. I can't stand it. We are still in the same house and while I'm home, he's out with her. I don't want to leave the house that we have worked side by side trying to build together. I don't want to leave "our" friends we have, but I can't see how I will be able to do much with them since they are all married. I would be the loner. I don't want my girls (I forgot to mention we had a 3rd girl 3 years after we got divorced) to have to go back and forth between mom and dad's. This is absolutely killing me, but yet, I know it's right. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't even go to work without tearing up at anything and everything. My sister recently went through the divorce from hell. Her ex had been in prison during most of the divorce, the divorce lasted nearly 4 years before it was final and she is so much better now than before. I just need to know that I'm going to be ok. I can't have a breakdown...I have 3 girls to take care of.
Thanks for reading and any advice.

You said yourself that you know it's right. Judging from your post it sounds like it is. You married very young and it sounds like you're afraid to be on your own. You'd rather settle for a relationship that isn't fullfilling than be single. So many of us do that and it isn't right. There is a man out there for you so you have to position yourself so that when you find eachother, your free to be together. I certainly don't mean to suggest that you need a man to be happy because that's not true. I'm just saying that you definately shouldn't settle for a man who doesn't make you happy. What good does it do either of you.
The best thing for your girls is to see you happy. Your children will be fine if you are fine. Sit him down and figure out an amicable split and move on.There are a lot of helpful books on separating when children are involved.
Once this step is behind you, you'll wonder why you waited so long to get on with your life.
All the best