Hi, I'm new here. What happens next?
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 10-22-2005 - 11:14am |
After being married to dh for a little over 5 years, I finally filed for divorce a couple of weeks ago. We don't have any children, thank goodness!
Dh has had an addiction to pain pills for a few years now. It's been a horrible experience for me, to say the least! All of the lying and the stealing! Ugh! I can't believe I put up with that for so long! We purchased a house a little over 3 years ago. At that time we had NO credit card debt and a good savings. By last spring, we had just about $50K in credit card debt! He just decided that he didn't want to work anymore. Got fired from him job of over 20 years... he could have retired at 25 years! So I've been supporting him and his teenage son (his mother doesn't pay cs) for the last year. His son has been staying at the ILs for the last few months. So with all of that debt, I finally agreed to filing for Chapter 7. THIS SAVED MY LIFE!!! Our bankruptcy was due to be discharged on October 3rd, and I filed for divorce on the 5th. That was NOT the plan all along, but I saw an "out" and I took it! I had threatened divorce many, many, many times, but he always held the house over my head. Said he'd do all sorts of damage so that I wouldn't be able to sell it, live in it etc. Like I said, bankruptcy saved my life. I now am scheduled to move into an apartment in 2 weeks. I'm staying at my parents house right now until then.
I have a couple of questions though. Dh was served on October 5th. He has not responded, and the 21 days to respond is next Wednesday. We're doing this without lawyers (because we really have nothing to debate over who gets what, because he's made it so that we have lost EVERYTHING). In Michigan, the waiting period for divorce is 60 days, which will be at the beginning of December. I belong to a legal plan at work where I can talk to an attorney for advice. The attorney said to mark on my calendar when 60 days is up and then call the clerk to schedule an appointment (court date?). But what do I do if he doesn't respond? The paper work's been turned in saying he was served. Can I proceed with the divorce without him? The thing that really, really bothers me, is that I provide health insurance for both dh and his son, and my employer will not even allow me to cancel his son's until they see divorce papers! It's NOT my son! There is MiChild available for children. And SS's mother refuses to work. Here, I was trying to be a good wife and stepmom by providing the insurance, and now no one will reimburse me my out-of-pocket expenses!
And,,, I've got to tell you what happened this past Tuesday. I left my blank check books at home (it's my account ONLY). I found out that he had written out 2 checks to HIMSELF and forged my signature! $800 worth! I was devistated! I need every dime of my money right now to get myself on track. Because of the bankruptcy, I need a full month's rent for my deposit. Not a problem as long as I'm careful right now. And gee, I wonder what he did with that money. I had to file a police report and the bank will be reimbursing my money. I called the detective last night, and it turns out that because we're still married, they consider this civil case and will not be prosecuting. Whatever. The bank will most likely go after him anyway. What an idiot my stbx is! He has stolen from me for years, but he has never forged my signature like this! He doesn't know that I filed a police report though. And I hope he doesn't find out until AFTER I get my stuff out of that house (which will be foreclosed on btw).
Here I was considering his problem as a disease all of these years, and that I married him in sickness and in health. And I'm the one that got totally screwed in the end. But I'm sooo looking forward to starting my life over, I can't even tell you. My new apartment is so beautiful and totally refurbished; all new ceramic tile, counter tops, cupboards with the brushed steel drawer pulls, all new appliances. I'm so excited! I just wish I didn't have to wait 2 more weeks!
I'll tell ya one thing, I sure learned a lot! Trust me when I say, there's no love lost here at all! I'm just worried about what to do next when he plans on not going to court and has not responded. Can anyone tell me if everything will be ok?

hi and welcome! i don't have any legal advice for you, but i jut wanted to send you some hugs...
my ex (second marriage) was also addicted to pain killers and tranquilizers. so i know hwat you mean about the stealing and the money. my ex is a control freak and he controlled all the money in the house, so i don't know if he ended up with debt but i do know that he managed to get alot of money out of me.
i was angry for a loooong time. but i am no longer angry, i am past that. i hate him and will always hate him. he is a horrible horrible man - he lied and lied and lied and then lied some more to cover up. he was controlling and abusive to me and my son. but ---- i learnt to take responsiblity for MY actions. nobody was holding a gun to my head when we got married, and yes - there are things that i only found out AFTER the wedding - but the whole relationship never felt "right" to me and i really should never have married him.
you did not get screwed - neither did i. yes, i lost money and i went thru hell, but in the end i got so much stronger and changed and i know now that i will NEVER find my self in this kind of relationship again. I have changed - i feel empowered now, i went back to school last year, i got promoted, etc. so yes, i have no money but i have my life and my health and my self esteem. my ex - has nothing EXCEPT money.
you will be fine!
Hi there...... typically, when one has been served and doesn't respond, the court assumes that the other party is in agreement and will proceed.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
(Any person who feels they must do this on their own should do some research at the law library and go to the court and look at some of the divorce files in the records room.)