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| Mon, 10-30-2006 - 6:06am |
Hi my name is Maria and I just found this board this am. I am at work and into my last hour thankfully. I am a 911 operator for the past 5 years and Sunday nights can be not so busy for us. I dont want to say the "Q" word.
I have been married for 5 years to what I thought was my soul mate. This is my 2nd marriage. I was happy up until Aug when my dh decided to have a midlife crisis and take it out on me and my 2 girls from previous marriage and our son.
I am not quite sure where it has all gone wrong but trying to talk to him has been of no use. Everytime I tell him how I feel he turns it around and tells me I am at fault. He doesnt want to get help.
I have always supported him in what he wants to do with his life from each job change 9 in 5 years to times when he doesnt even work. We have some serious debt issues which I am trying so hard to work us out of but he has been of no help. DH is a truck driver gone M-F home weekends. I work mostly weekends 16 hour shifts overnight. Not a lot of time for us but when there has been time for us he does not want us.
I feel he does not respect me or my girls and we are there to serve him. I hear my girls get excited when I say that he wont make home for a weekend and it has made a huge light bulb turn on.
I have started a few steps towards a seperation, my own checking account, switching bills to my name like car and insurance. I wanted to try to get through the holiday season and then req for a seperation but I am not sure how much more I can take.
DH told me just yesterday that I love my officers more than I do my family since I work all the extra hours. This he also told my children. I was furious that he looks at it this way.
My first divorce was due to him cheating on me. I think what hurts me the most is I have to put my kids through yet another one.
There are days I have myself believing that I must be the one who has the problem with marriage.
Sorry for the long version of my first hello..... I look forward to meeting you all and glad I was able to find a place with support.
Maria

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Hi Maria!
Welcome to the board!
Pianoguy knows firsthand (after a long marriage and a very short one) that DIVORCE isn't a piece of cake! But...when you come home to a household in fear of your partner's words or how he'll react to his children...there's sometimes NO OTHER OPTION EXCEPT TO END THINGS!
I can understand that you wish to keep your family life intact...at least through the holidays. But eventually, you and your husband are going to have to sit down and discuss what's right for EACH OF YOU as well as your son...and your daughters.
Because you're a mostly 'stay at home Mom'---I think I can understand why your husband feels the way he does? But if your source of income is the only consistant source of money in the family, it appears that you have very little choice when it comes to WORKING or NOT WORKING?
Since you've already begun to take steps to get your own checking account and are attempting to eliminate some of the 'previously acquired debt'---you might want to talk with a trusted friend and/or legal advisor? Perhaps one (or both) can offer some suggestions as to how you should proceed after the holidays are over?
Good Luck!
Pianoguy
Divorceagain,
Hi and welcome to our board. Hugs to you and your kids as you find yourself in this situation. It's very difficult to know what to think when you discover your spouse is a different person than you thought!
My first question is this: Has anything really significant happened in your DH's life in the past six months? Did he lose a job, get demoted, get promoted, have a parent or significant friend die or suffer a life threatening injury? Was he in a serious accident with his rig? Have a friend who was? Did he have a "Big-O" birthday, i.e. turn 40, 50, etc. Does he have any friends in trucking who were recently divorced because their spouse cheated while they were on the road? His "accusation" you like your coworkers better than him makes me suspect something like that is going on. I also find it interesting that he's gone five days a week and yet you're the one he accuses of "not being there" for the family.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Hi Maria- Funny thing....my xhusband is a truck driver too and I think he has had a mid-life crisis too. That along with an affair that he probably took stock in before he signed the divorce papers. I think that truck driving gives the drivers a lot of time to analyze their lives and when their lives aren't just what they think they should be back home than it's time to start pointing fingers. My girls and I sat at home and waited for my xh to show up. Never really knew when that would be...just stayed home waiting. In his eyes, I didn't try hard enough. I expected some help with the finances and the kids, at times, but he accused me of treating him like a paycheck. Ya know, sometimes you wonder what the heck....I stay home with the kids, work 40hrs a week, don't go anywhere, handle all the household chores and all the kids' activities and homework but yet I'm the one with the problem. Too much thinking time! I always worried about my xh physical health but never really gave his mental health much thought. Wished I would of. Well, he's got his 20yr old gf to deal with now (mind you he's 44) so I hope the life he thought he was going to have after divorce is a happy one. Mine sucks and probably will until the gf gets fed up or finds someone else to leech off of. It's not easy knowing your kids are having dinner at dad's and seeing or hearing who knows what....My xh told me that he thought life after divorce would be doable. Guess what....the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. Had he given me a chance I would of taken it.
Hang in there. You have been through it before so you know what the ride is like...maybe you can get your husband to sit with you and talk about it. Anything is better than heading to the courtroom without a fair chance to make things better.
Robin
Hi gal_jasper..I tried to find your posts but I am not real familiar with this site and couldn't pull them up. I will continue to look for them. I would like to read more of your story. Sounds like it may read out kind of like mine. I don't know where you stand with your xh but with mine it's just a mess. We were married for 25yrs. I have know him since I was in high school. He was my best friend. I still have strong feels for him, but he's mixed up with this other girl. I honestly feel like he doesn't want to be there. Our kids are in the middle of that mess. This girl is a bad influence and is only 5 yrs. older than our oldest daughter so you can imagine what is happening there. I just want this girl to go away. I had the first face to face with her yesterday to let her know that she had no rights when it came to my girls. She is so imature! Wanted to hit me. She would of if my xh hadn't grabbed her. She is the reason we couldn't begin to work on our "communication" issue. This is what my xh says was our problem. Yeah, it's hard to fit a weeks worth of events into a one day visit. But we had been down this road for 15yrs when he decided he just couldn't take it anymore. What is really was is that he had found this girl or she him and knew just what to say and how to stroke him. It's very hurtful to know that I have been replaced with some like her. She has no education, no money, no family and no morals. I hate her being around my kids and my xh won't drop her off because he says she has no where to go. Like he should put that before the his kids. The whole situation sucks...I would give anything for it all to go away and for life to be livable again. Tell me your story.
Robin
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