His child....HELP!
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His child....HELP!
| Tue, 05-30-2006 - 1:25pm |
I divorced last year. It was my choice and a wonderful thing. I'd been through several years of hell. In the process of the divorce, I dated a couple of men, just having fun and learned a lot about myself. I wasn't planning on ever falling in love again. But then....it hit me when I least expected it. I married the most wonderful man a couple of months ago. He is divorced and has a seven year old child. The problem....his seven year old still poops in her clothes every day. She will not poop on the toilet. She refuses. She's never gone poop on the toilet EVER. His ex wife and he change her every time she does it like a baby. I think she needs to see a psychiatrist. His exwife claims that she has taken the child to several specialists and that they say it's more normal than people think and that she'll grow out of it. I think that the child is mentally disturbed. She is a wonderful child other than that. But, it's causing major problems. I can't stand the smell in my house and I refuse to change a child that is not mine and that is old enough to clean herself. When I made her clean herself her mother got very angry at me and the child told them that I was mean and she was never coming to her dad's house again. I don't know what to do. I've tried going to several health sites and kids sites and can't find anything like this. My husband gets upset with me when I say anything because his ex wife won't make the daughter come with him if she doesn't want to and if I press it the kid refuses to come with him. They don't have a visitation schedule per say...he works nights and so he usually just sees her for a couple of hours after school and it was never a problem. Now she wants to come play with my kids and he is getting to spend more time with her. He won't do anything that makes her upset because he is scared she won't come over anymore. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

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You're talking about a 7 year old and based upon what you said that she is able to do those very same things when her parents aren't around leads me to believe it is in fact a disciplinary problem.
As far as staying out of it, there is no way in hell I would stay out of it. My husband's children visit our home too. While they are in our home, there are rules they must follow. Our rules. Your husband has to support YOU. Did you tell him that she cleans herself fine when he is not there and does he know that she is able to accomplish this task at school? If they do, they are not doing this kid any favors by caving. Just think of what she will do when she is a teenager if she is able to manipulate them at 7.
You've gotten some great suggestions... and I hope that you find some answers.
Usually the protocol with this kind of thing is to check with a MD for physical issues first, then head toward someone who can help with the psychological side of it.
Good luck.... it sounds like she's really struggling, and I'm glad that she has you an an advocate and confidant.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I read your initial post last night and decided to sleep on it, but based on the additional posts you've shared, I am believing like some of the others have said that this is controling one of the few things in her life that ~she~ has control over...
She may be dealing with issues from her parents' divorce and using this as a means to bring the focus and attention back to her... Mom and Dad agree on how they treat me when I do x...
Good Luck... in my opinion, it sounds like she's probably a very sweet little girl who needs some help and someone who is willing to give her some time to express what she has been through and what she's going through...
*hugs*
Julie
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