his new wife............
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| Thu, 12-29-2005 - 6:39pm |
I've been divorced for 4 years, separated for 6. This isn't new to me. What I can't understand is the fact that the pain is not getting any easier - it's just getting worse. I was so HAPPY when I was finally free from my painful marriage of 17 years. I felt so free. We had an amicable divorce, we kept in contact because of our 2 kids (17, 18) and remained civil.
Enter his new wife 2 years ago. He's her 4th husband. Yes, FOURTH. Ever since she entered the picture, life has been hell for me. I believe she has brainwashed my ex. and manipulates him like a puppet.
I have only met her 3 times. The first 2 times, she was as sweet as pie, sickly sweet - in front of my ex. The 3rd time, she was alone and out of nowhere started calling me a whore, a b*tch, every flippin' name in the book. This 3rd (and last) time, I had stopped by in the morning (I had called 1st to see if it was okay) to see if I could pick up my daughter's uniform for school. No problem, until I got there. She wouldn't let me in the house - fine - but this time, the first time she and I were alone together, she rips me to pieces while my daughter is getting her uniform. This woman was so vicious to me (I managed to stay calm - watching a person act in such a psychotic manner actually calms me down because I realize she must be sick), anyway, she was so vicious, when my daughter came downstairs and heard her, she started hitting the woman with her purse and told her she couldn't talk to me like that. Needless to say, both my children witnessed this and it was extremely traumatizing. They had NEVER witnessed anything like this before.
Anyway, now, 2 years later, I spoke with my ex. today to ask to speak to our son. It had been 2 years since we spoke, since that fateful day. He was very cold and told me I was never to call the house again; that he NEVER wanted to speak to me for the rest of his life. I told him that he has become someone I don't know anymore - the decent man I once knew. I said I suspected "Erin" was responsible for that and very quickly, he hung up on me.
I think this exile from my ex. is ridiculous. We share 2 children for heaven's sake!! He is such a manipulator himself - he chats up my mother and the rest of my family and has turned them against me, yet I am not allowed to speak to him??
Am I being unreasonable? - do I need to take a reality check or what? What can I do to be the mature adult here. I have the kids, he rarely sees them, Erin (the new wife) and her kids are his life. Can anyone put this into perspective for me. I feel like I'm sick or mentally ill, the way I've been treated by Erin and by my ex.
I am so sorry that this is such a long post. If you answer, you must be one patient soul. Thanks for just letting me vent - just writing about it helps.

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You are NOT the mentally ill one here....SHE is! You are NOT being unreasonable. It's amazing that a person could act like that! And your poor daughter having to witness something so awful.
Your ex and the new wife sounds like a manipulative couple. There is no way he should behave toward you with such animosity after all this time. You have children together, and it is grossly immature, selfish, and damagine for him to behave this way.
Yes, you need to just move on. It's his choice not to be involved with his children, as sad as that is, you need to focus on you, your children as if you are a single parent because unfortunately that's what it appears you are at this point.
Not sure why YOUR family would turn their backs on you, but if they choose to believe his lies or what not then there is nothing you can do about that. YOu need to just be positive for those kiddos and be the best mom you can be for them and just let him and his mean spirited wife be in their hateful world.
I feel at a loss here -- I don't know what to tell you, because I feel like a huge chunk of information is missing.
Human beings don't behave that way for no reason. Even if the new wife has flipped, I feel like something set her off. Could your ex have talked some trash about you to her? The foul names alluding to promiscuity on your part make me think perhaps so...
Regardless, I would just concentrate on your own life -- your children are old enough to talk to their father directly, and to make their own arrangements for pickups, etc. Let them deal with him, and steer clear of these two people who obviously don't want to have a friendship with you.
I'm sorry you were hurt.
Stepmalla,
You say it doesn't make sense - I agree with you completely, hence my post. Your post makes me uneasy though, as if I am somehow at fault for this situation - perhaps I must somehow be responsible.
Ofcourse my children are old enough to deal with him alone. BUT, the big BUT is the consideration that there is my children's post-secondary education to consider, future marriages, grandchildren etc.,(hello??) where I will still have to deal with this man and his unusual wife. I don't care if they want to be friends with me. It's their nastiness that hurts.
I suppose what I'm trying to impress upon you is that I take offense that you would suggest I was promiscuous (therefore justifying the abusive insults from this woman.) These type of groundless lies and insults are very easy for a jealous new wife to make. Regardless, there is no excuse for vicious and violent attacks on new wife's part and my ex.'s immature desire to isolate and exile me.
Be well, but please be careful when making suggestions like your post. Reading that hurt....
Merignac
Edited 1/3/2006 11:50 am ET by merignac
Edited 1/3/2006 12:38 pm ET by merignac
hi. i am very sorry for your pain - i think that you are right in feeling hurt . it definately sounds like this woman is crazy - but it can't be a nice experience to have someone talk to you in that way.
I
Dear Merignac
I am so sorry if you took my meaning to be, that you were somehow promiscuous.
What I was trying to say, is that there seemed to be a disconnect in the information I gathered from the posting.
There is something going on, and I can't put my finger on it. I think there is more going on here than a "psycho" woman.
Regardless, take care of yourself and your loved ones, and insulate yourself from the ugliness by letting your child deal with her father directly, or dealing with him and his wife by letter or email only.
I don't agree that you did anything to cause this...in fact, I totally understand what you are talking about. But in my case I am the ex that flips out on his new girlfriend. I have called her and left the nastiest messages, called her a w**re (which I believe she is) and every other name in the book. Simply because: I HATE HER WITH A PASSION.
I'm sure she says the same stuff about me. I know I need to grow up, I understand that....but at this time I just can't. I am full of hurt & anger and it's the only way for me to channel it, by ripping her apart. In fact, I told my ex that she better PRAY she doesn't ever see me out in public. He of course says "You need to get use to it because we are getting married and there will be times when I drop off our daughter and she will be with me" and I told him it better not be any time soon. I am NOT READY to see her and not cause a scene. I also don't want my daughter to witness mommy flipping out. What makes this so bad (just to give you some background) is that her & I use to be friends....enough said.
The reason I shared all that is because i'm sure it's the same thing with her- she probably just hates you, period. Just for the fact that you were married to her husband. Same reason I hate my ex's girlfriend- because she is now with the man I was married to. I would hate anyone he was with probably.
And i'm sure, almost 100% sure, that she cried & whined to your ex about how you were *so mean* to her while you were at the house getting your daughter's uniform. And of course he believed her. Even though it was totally the other way around. Did you daughter tell her dad what happened? My ex's girlfriend always tells him that I "scare her", so then he calls me and tells me to back off or they will press charges. Waaah waaah.
Lainie
Hi Rebecca.... How were your holidays?
hugs!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
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