his new wife............

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
his new wife............
12
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 6:39pm

I've been divorced for 4 years, separated for 6. This isn't new to me. What I can't understand is the fact that the pain is not getting any easier - it's just getting worse. I was so HAPPY when I was finally free from my painful marriage of 17 years. I felt so free. We had an amicable divorce, we kept in contact because of our 2 kids (17, 18) and remained civil.
Enter his new wife 2 years ago. He's her 4th husband. Yes, FOURTH. Ever since she entered the picture, life has been hell for me. I believe she has brainwashed my ex. and manipulates him like a puppet.
I have only met her 3 times. The first 2 times, she was as sweet as pie, sickly sweet - in front of my ex. The 3rd time, she was alone and out of nowhere started calling me a whore, a b*tch, every flippin' name in the book. This 3rd (and last) time, I had stopped by in the morning (I had called 1st to see if it was okay) to see if I could pick up my daughter's uniform for school. No problem, until I got there. She wouldn't let me in the house - fine - but this time, the first time she and I were alone together, she rips me to pieces while my daughter is getting her uniform. This woman was so vicious to me (I managed to stay calm - watching a person act in such a psychotic manner actually calms me down because I realize she must be sick), anyway, she was so vicious, when my daughter came downstairs and heard her, she started hitting the woman with her purse and told her she couldn't talk to me like that. Needless to say, both my children witnessed this and it was extremely traumatizing. They had NEVER witnessed anything like this before.
Anyway, now, 2 years later, I spoke with my ex. today to ask to speak to our son. It had been 2 years since we spoke, since that fateful day. He was very cold and told me I was never to call the house again; that he NEVER wanted to speak to me for the rest of his life. I told him that he has become someone I don't know anymore - the decent man I once knew. I said I suspected "Erin" was responsible for that and very quickly, he hung up on me.
I think this exile from my ex. is ridiculous. We share 2 children for heaven's sake!! He is such a manipulator himself - he chats up my mother and the rest of my family and has turned them against me, yet I am not allowed to speak to him??
Am I being unreasonable? - do I need to take a reality check or what? What can I do to be the mature adult here. I have the kids, he rarely sees them, Erin (the new wife) and her kids are his life. Can anyone put this into perspective for me. I feel like I'm sick or mentally ill, the way I've been treated by Erin and by my ex.

I am so sorry that this is such a long post. If you answer, you must be one patient soul. Thanks for just letting me vent - just writing about it helps.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 12:34pm

Lainie, I know you didnt post asking for advice, but i feel like you must be so angry inside, that it must be eating you up. & i shudder to think what your little girl hears out of your mouth, about her father &/or his girlfreind. I say this with some authority since *I* was the child of parents who divorced, my Dad cheated, lied & drank. He totally screwed my mother over in every way possible, then left with his (50th) girlfriend. & he married her. & he became very wealthy. & had another child & lived "happily ever after" while my mother was broke, working 2-3 jobs & ended up with a deadly illnes at 38, that killed her by age 60. My mother was the most wonderful, giving, loving person i have ever met. Not a soul in this world that i know of EVER had one bad word to say to her. BUT ... she badmouthed my father, yes, with good reason ... but we were his children too. & all our lives we grew up hearing how bad he was, what he did, etc etc. & it did only 2 things:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 12:36pm
Hi! Will post now! SANE! Whoo Hoo!
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