Hmmm..........
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| Fri, 06-09-2006 - 11:52am |
Sorry I haven't been on for so long. I've missed talking to everyone and reading everyone's messages. I've been busy with wrapping up the school year and taking care of the kids. I mentioned a few weeks ago that my stbx and I were going to try to work on our marriage again. We've spent the past three weeks talking more and spending time with each other. Things were getting much better and then last weekend when he was to move back in, I had a funny feeling and stopped by his house (there was a strange car parked near his house). I banged on the door but he wouldn't answer. He finally called me back and said he didn't hear me since he was in the shower. I quickly drove back and saw a woman running from his house and him working in his garage. He said it was some woman who keeps calling and trying to make their relationship more than it was. He said he met her (and another lady) after we were legally separated. He then didn't understand why I made a big deal of it, and why I lost trust. (He didn't even mention this lady...he said it was some other lady I knew about). THen he started getting "wishy-washy" on me again. He accused me of pushing for too much, too soon, as well as saying I'd never get past him seeing someone else while separated and her constantly trying to contact him. So after a strained weekend, I decided to just leave him alone for the past three days. Talk nice, but don't ask him over, mention any other women, etc. Last night he was all lovey and said he wanted to move back in this weekend. What's the deal?! I feel I can trust him and I believe that he didn't do anything with those women (I called one), but I feel worried about trusting him to be the partner I want and need. I'm afraid he won't give 100% emotionally and help enough around the house. He said..."I will give more than 100% after I move back in". Gee, why can't he do it before? I'm afraid he will become emotionally distant and we'll be back to what we had before. He mentioned going to the doctor for his depression, but then said "I don't need it...do I seem depressed now?" He won't go for counseling.
We had a dissolution court date for June 16, but I called the lawyer and asked him to postpone for a month. So I guess we have 5 weeks to get things figured out. I just want this so bad, but I'm also concerned about the future. The kids are already excited and keep asking when Daddy will move back in.
Any thoughts? Hmm...I wish I had a crystal ball! Jo

Wow Jo, I wish I had words of wisdom for you. Trust your gut.
Melanie
well - what do you want? don't let him or your kids guilt-trip you into accepting something that is unhealthy.
be firm -
<<<"I will give more than 100% after I move back in".>>> great - tell him that you will believe it when you see it, and the time to make the changes is RIGHT NOW.
<<>> so what is going to happen after he moves in? nothing. things will be exactly the way they are today, only worse,because now he knows that he can always manipulate you into doing what he wants.