Holiday sadness?
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| Fri, 12-22-2006 - 11:13pm |
I thought I was doing fine with Christmas. I thought because the kids would be home on Christmas Day as they always are, and at their grandmother's on Christmas Eve as they always are (only difference being I'm not going there and he's not coming here) that it would largely be the same. But it's not. My ex picked up the kids today and I just feel alone. I feel like the outcast.
This week has been hard in general and I'm still upset about my son's health issues. My bf and I went out shopping today after my ex picked up the kids, but he's been working insane hours and needed to pass out early so he's out for the night. I'm sitting alone in my living room, looking at my Christmas tree and stockings, and instead of feeling the warmth and comfort I had hoped for, I just feel sad and alone. I wish my kids were here. I wish I felt strong and happy. I wish I felt excited about Christmas. But I don't. Maybe it's just the night time. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better.

Hugs, Brenda
Thank you, Brenda. I've been feeling okay about it for the most part, but tonight just feels bad. I know I'm their mom, but I feel like I have so little to offer. With me, pretty much all they get is me. My mom and step-father are both dead. My father has never really been in my life and hasn't even sent the kids birthday cards for the last few years. I have only one sibling and she lives in Manhattan so she's not around much. My ex has his mother and step-siblings in town and the new gf has set herself in nicely with his family. They all have dinners together on weekends my kids visit with my ex, his gf, his mom and her dad. The kids have all these people when they're with him.
They get a Christmas Eve with dad, gf, grandma, uncle, aunt, cousins, great-grandma, etc. At home on Christmas Day they have me and my bf will be here.
I know I can make a nice Christmas for them, and I promise I will stop feeling sorry for myself and actually be feeling happy when they come home Sunday night. But right now I feel sad.
Brenda, you will be okay. I understand how hard it is with knowing your ex is introducing the new gf to the family and your kids. It hurts like hell. Have you decorated or planned anything for you and your children for when they come home?
I was so vicious and hateful to him. kind of like the woman in She Devil or worse.
This will be our last Christmas with the kids together. He bought himself a present and said for me to wrap it to give him when we are over at my DD's place and gave me money and said to buy myself something and that he would wrap it and give it to me.
I hadnt been out of the house for two weeks. I decided I wanted to get buy myself something nice and so I had my DD and SIL come and get me and we went and got my mom and my sister. We had a blast!! My sis and I are both on the plump side (tho thank goodness I have lost 17 lbs) but we had a hard time getting in the van so it gave us the giggles and the harder we giggled the harder it was to get in the van!! It really does need a running board. when we got in at moms I told her do as I am doing and got on my knees on the floorboard THEN pulled myself up. so she did that finally through the giggles. Well
after we came out of walmart I got in the same way. my sis is stronger than me as she gardens all summer ...anyway she decided she could do it the proper way and she pulled herself up with all her strenght and BANG her head banged into the van!ouch. she was in so much pain but still giggled. I tell you I am so glad I went. we just had a blast. it was late, cold and icy though.
I bought me a wonderful black satin gown and robe and it has lace beaded inserts! I told my DD this is so lovely but I will have no one to wear it for and she said mom just wear it for yourself.
I admire you for waiting two years to date. I hope I can go that long as I think I have alot of healing to do. a whole lot. and as some have said on this board if we get involved too soon it just keeping the cycle going of wrong relationships cause we are definately on the rebound.
My first husband of 10 years committed adultery. and I see him now and then as we had a son together. that was 30 some years ago that we split. I look at him and feel nothing .........he is justa person who is my sons father. and I know someday I will feel that way about this one.
Now I promised my adult son who is temporarily staying here that i would NOT get mean to his dad tomorrow and that i would not over react anymore .
thanks so much you guys for listening!!!
The holidays can trigger so much stuff.
Susan
"Success is building a foundation wit
Hugs, Brenda
I'm doing much better tonight. I went out shopping AGAIN today, and tonight am hanging out at home with the bf, wrapping presents and getting the house ready for my kiddos to come home to. I ended up going out and buying my son a Nintendo DS for Christmas. It wasn't something I had planned, but he has been waiting mostly patiently for two years to get one. It's going to be pretty much his only gift as I really shouldn't have even spent that much, but I know he is going to be ecstatic when he opens it and that in itself is making me happier.
I'm looking forward to them being home, and having all next week off of work. We're going to be cooking, baking, and playing lots of games together. Video games and board games alike!
I'm glad you got out and cheered up too. these kids have been through enough and they deserve to come tomorrow night to happy mothers. :-)