Holiday sadness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Holiday sadness?
6
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 11:13pm

I thought I was doing fine with Christmas. I thought because the kids would be home on Christmas Day as they always are, and at their grandmother's on Christmas Eve as they always are (only difference being I'm not going there and he's not coming here) that it would largely be the same. But it's not. My ex picked up the kids today and I just feel alone. I feel like the outcast.

This week has been hard in general and I'm still upset about my son's health issues. My bf and I went out shopping today after my ex picked up the kids, but he's been working insane hours and needed to pass out early so he's out for the night. I'm sitting alone in my living room, looking at my Christmas tree and stockings, and instead of feeling the warmth and comfort I had hoped for, I just feel sad and alone. I wish my kids were here. I wish I felt strong and happy. I wish I felt excited about Christmas. But I don't. Maybe it's just the night time. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: gwen227
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 11:20pm
Oh Gwen, I can hear you. My ex left with the boys tonight too. I am all alone. I do not have a bf. Haven't even been on a date in the two years since my nightmare began. The boys will return to me Christmas eve night, but it doesn't even feel like Christmas. I am so down. I am begining to realize my ex is never coming home. He is introducing the new gf to the family tonight. I have been replaced. I just want the next two weeks to be over with. I am not in a festive mood. I don't even want to deal with the holidays. I wish you the best. We will live through this night and the many others to come. God bless. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: gwen227
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 11:48pm

Thank you, Brenda. I've been feeling okay about it for the most part, but tonight just feels bad. I know I'm their mom, but I feel like I have so little to offer. With me, pretty much all they get is me. My mom and step-father are both dead. My father has never really been in my life and hasn't even sent the kids birthday cards for the last few years. I have only one sibling and she lives in Manhattan so she's not around much. My ex has his mother and step-siblings in town and the new gf has set herself in nicely with his family. They all have dinners together on weekends my kids visit with my ex, his gf, his mom and her dad. The kids have all these people when they're with him.

They get a Christmas Eve with dad, gf, grandma, uncle, aunt, cousins, great-grandma, etc. At home on Christmas Day they have me and my bf will be here.

I know I can make a nice Christmas for them, and I promise I will stop feeling sorry for myself and actually be feeling happy when they come home Sunday night. But right now I feel sad.

Brenda, you will be okay. I understand how hard it is with knowing your ex is introducing the new gf to the family and your kids. It hurts like hell. Have you decorated or planned anything for you and your children for when they come home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
In reply to: gwen227
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 5:57am
I so feel your pain on this thread. I thought I was going to be ok. I really acted like a nice person who was normal.today..........for a while. Then all the sudden we started fighting .....I started it. I keep seething about this woman and he probably wont even ever get with her as she says she will never leave her husband. But he says that wont matter cause he finally wants out. and is going to the lawyers on the 29th.
I was so vicious and hateful to him. kind of like the woman in She Devil or worse.
This will be our last Christmas with the kids together. He bought himself a present and said for me to wrap it to give him when we are over at my DD's place and gave me money and said to buy myself something and that he would wrap it and give it to me.
I hadnt been out of the house for two weeks. I decided I wanted to get buy myself something nice and so I had my DD and SIL come and get me and we went and got my mom and my sister. We had a blast!! My sis and I are both on the plump side (tho thank goodness I have lost 17 lbs) but we had a hard time getting in the van so it gave us the giggles and the harder we giggled the harder it was to get in the van!! It really does need a running board. when we got in at moms I told her do as I am doing and got on my knees on the floorboard THEN pulled myself up. so she did that finally through the giggles. Well
after we came out of walmart I got in the same way. my sis is stronger than me as she gardens all summer ...anyway she decided she could do it the proper way and she pulled herself up with all her strenght and BANG her head banged into the van!ouch. she was in so much pain but still giggled. I tell you I am so glad I went. we just had a blast. it was late, cold and icy though.
I bought me a wonderful black satin gown and robe and it has lace beaded inserts! I told my DD this is so lovely but I will have no one to wear it for and she said mom just wear it for yourself.
I admire you for waiting two years to date. I hope I can go that long as I think I have alot of healing to do. a whole lot. and as some have said on this board if we get involved too soon it just keeping the cycle going of wrong relationships cause we are definately on the rebound.
My first husband of 10 years committed adultery. and I see him now and then as we had a son together. that was 30 some years ago that we split. I look at him and feel nothing .........he is justa person who is my sons father. and I know someday I will feel that way about this one.
Now I promised my adult son who is temporarily staying here that i would NOT get mean to his dad tomorrow and that i would not over react anymore .
thanks so much you guys for listening!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
In reply to: gwen227
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 8:22am

The holidays can trigger so much stuff.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: gwen227
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 10:16pm
Hey Gwen, How are you doing today? I am doing relatively well. I have kept myself busy today. Went to visit my sister a couple of hours away. She and I did some baking. Came home tonight and did some more. I have set up Christmas in my home so everything will be ready when they get here late tomorrow night. Tomorrow is a busy scheduled day too. The Christmas eve service by myself for the second year in a row will be tough, but my church family will help me through it again. Have a great day tomorrow. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: gwen227
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 12:29am

I'm doing much better tonight. I went out shopping AGAIN today, and tonight am hanging out at home with the bf, wrapping presents and getting the house ready for my kiddos to come home to. I ended up going out and buying my son a Nintendo DS for Christmas. It wasn't something I had planned, but he has been waiting mostly patiently for two years to get one. It's going to be pretty much his only gift as I really shouldn't have even spent that much, but I know he is going to be ecstatic when he opens it and that in itself is making me happier.

I'm looking forward to them being home, and having all next week off of work. We're going to be cooking, baking, and playing lots of games together. Video games and board games alike!

I'm glad you got out and cheered up too. these kids have been through enough and they deserve to come tomorrow night to happy mothers. :-)