Holidays!
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| Thu, 10-12-2006 - 2:06pm |
It's only October, but then again it's ALREADY October. Some of you have already been through the holidays since your marriages have split, but some haven't. I personally have been dreading Thanksgiving and Christmas because I know I won't have the kids with me for all of it, but am now used to the idea of some time without them and want to make the best of it. How have you all done this in the past, or intend on doing now?
I've heard of some families switching Thanksgiving off every year, and am thinking of giving that a try if the ex agrees. As far as Christmas, his family celebrates on Christmas Eve every year, so I was thinking that he may take the kids as soon as school lets out and keep them until Christmas Eve, bringing them home that night so I can have them to wake up with on Christmas morning.
It's an adjustment, but it's an opportunity to start some new traditions. Perhaps going on a special trip with close friends on Thanksgiving weekend on the years you don't have the kids?
Tell us your ideas!

Our new traditions are "extended celebrations".... we do birthday's all month, and Christmas has turned into a 2 - 3 week extravaganza.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I love that you guys are so flexible! There is a small part of me that is a little anxious about all of this, but for the most part I'm trying to make it easy on the kids with as few changes as possible.
For us Christmas and Thanksgiving are the big two holidays to have to work out, but it should be okay. If we wind up switching off Thanksgiving each year, it's fine with me. I can always make a yummy turkey dinner the weekend before. :-)
The other holidays like Easter are mostly about coloring eggs and chocolate bunnies anyhow, so it's not a big deal when/where they get their basket.
Their birthdays may get interesting, but I've decided that if the kids want parties with their friends, I'll suck it up and invite ex and his gf and just play nice. Don't hold me to that though! :-P
I think that you've got the right attitude!
I mean, obviously, there's a lot of compromise and letting go involved, but it you prepare up front and plan what you CAN do, then it's just much easier (especially if you are keeping the kids feelings first).
Sometimes, EX and I do things together with the kids, but typically... if I plan a party for a birthday, he doesn't come.... he plans his own party, and sometimes, having more than one "celebration" is a good thing.
The big thing is that you're thinking about all of this now.... after all, it's *just* October ;-)
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I dread holidays. Last year my first holidays since splitting from STBX was the worst. I was fortunate enough to be a member of a support group and they helped me through it all. Although I've been separated for a year now, holidays are still not easy. I've already told my counselor that I am waiting to see her more frequently during the holiday season. I pray for the time when holidays will be something to look forward to as opposed to dread.
Perhaps working with your EX on how to handle the holidays things won't be as bad. You can look at the situation as a way to extend your holidays. Create new traditions. I hope and pray that this holiday season won't be too bad for you and your kids.
I can relate to your feelings as last year for me was the worst holiday season I've ever had. My STBX moved out about 2 weeks before Christmas, and I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day a total wreck. We were with his family, and I could barely control my emotions. I ended up in a bedroom uncontrollably crying for most of the day.
This whole year has been HARD. One minute I think we can be "nice", then the next minute I have the desire to run him over with my car.
There are so many new posters here who have just separated that I can imagine this is going to be a tough time for many of us. Hopefully we can all support each other and take each other's experiences to help us make this tough transition.
And I hope this holiday season turns out much better for you than it did last year. :-)