Hope for a change of heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
Hope for a change of heart
1
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 3:18pm
I know that it's not healthy to dwell on the past, but I sit here day in and day out, thinking he might change his mind. I dream that he comes to his senses, and wants me back. How do I get past this thinking? My family tells me, would you really want him back, now. I tell them no, but in my heart I would love to have another chance. I just miss him so!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 5:23pm

This is just a total shot in the dark here, but... I think that the majority of the time we don't really want them back. I think what we miss and grieve for is a few other things. One would be an idealized version of who the ex is or who they could be. Another is an idealized version of the marriage. But my belief is that the most significant factor is not about the other person at all. It's about us trying to get something back of ourselves. Sometimes we invest so much of our self worth in acceptance or love from others- specifically our spouses, that when we think about them or wanting them back it's really about wanting them to validate us as individuals, as lovable. I don't know if this rings true with you, but I thought I'd put it out there. Do you want him back? Or do you want him to come back so that he can validate you in some way?

No matter what, I think doing something for yourself, trying something new, treating yourself in some way would be a good starting point to moving on. Try to break out of the obsessive thinking and fill it with something enjoyable and constructive.