Hope this helps everyone
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| Fri, 01-12-2007 - 8:24pm |
I wrote this poem to my ex (never delivered it) when I was going through a really hard time.
Regrets
Someday you will realize
What you've really lost.
Will it all be worth it?
Is it really worth the cost?
What is life really about
Without friends and family?
One day you will realize
What you could've had with me.
But now you're really screwed
You've really messed it up
You've already turned your back
On one who lifted you up.
But when you realize this
It will be too late
Sorry babe, this horse has bolted
I'm already out of the gate.
I've loved you and stood by you
Through the good and bad;
Then you just turn around
And stab me in the back?
I won't let you hurt me again
Nobody does that to me twice.
Even if you beg and plead
I'll Never be your little wife.
I hope that maybe it helps someone. When I start getting upset, I think in poetry. You have to let yourself grieve for the love lost. There are different steps of grieving--all of which are healthy. There's pain, anger, numbness, and finally letting go. Just sit down and start writing and let the pain flow out of the pen/pencil/etc. Just let it all go.

That's awesome!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I went through a very wide range of emotions before and during my divorce. It was extremely tough for a while. Dealing with the emotional abuse was the toughest. During our 6 years of marriage, he constantly ran me down. I couldn't doing anything right, I was lazy, he wasn't attracted to me anymore, I was fat.etc. We split up from Aug. 2002 to Oct in 2002. I caught him chatting with the OW (she lived 4 hours away) two days before my birthday. He said he wanted a divorce so I took our daughter that night and left. I was so far down that I seriously believed that I couldn't live without him. I was seriously considering suicide one night. I was surfing the web and came upon a chat room for people starting over. In there, I met a lady who dealt with suicide crisis. She and a few others talked me out of it. Thank God they did. I still believe to this day that I was lead there--it was no accident.
We decided we would give it another shot so I moved back. During that time, the mental abuse continued. He would tell Lauren and me that he was going to spend the weekend with us and then Friday night, he would either tell us different or simply not come home at all. I don't remember how many times that he lied to us and Lauren would cry herself to sleep in my arms because her daddy had lied to us again. This went on from Oct. to the end of Jan. 2003. In December 2002, Christmas Eve, I had a miscarriage from all the stress. I hadn't known I was pregnant, but I saw the placenta when it passed. Needless to say, I was heartbroken. His reply to me was, "I'm glad you aren't pregnant. I didn't want to have another child with you anyway." During that time, I left a great job that I loved to go back to school. He assured me that he would stay with me so I could get a degree. That didn't even last three weeks. He left at the end of January to go live with the OW.
After a month of living alone, trying to go to school, get a decent job, and try not to get evicted; I gave up. I was forced to quit school. I was on the verge of starving (I had no food in the house and no money.). I called my parents and asked them if I could move in with them until I got on my feet again. They said yes and I moved in with them while I went through my divorce and got back on my feet (sort of). After I filed, my ex told me that he was going to come and take my daughter. Upon the advice of my attorney, I sent him a fax stating that he was only allowed to see our daughter if either myself or my parents were present with her at all times. One Sunday, he came down and pleaded with me to let him take Lauren to his house (4 hours away) for visitation. He would bring her back the Sunday before her 5th birthday party. Upon the advice of my atty (again) I let him. When I called him the Friday before I was to get her back, he told me that I wasn't getting her back. I didn't see her that summer from May 17 to Aug. 23. The only reason I got her back then was because I took him to court with a emergency temporary order of custody. For the longest time, she was afraid to go see her dad because she was afraid that he would not bring her back. The drama continues today.
My self esteem was so low that I let him railroad me into a lot of things that I would definitely not agree to now. I honestly thought that if we went into a custody battle that he would win even though I was/am a good mom. This is why I say to stand up for yourself because no one else will--even your attorney. Don't feel guilty or sorry for your ex. They are very good at manipulation--especially if they have been emotionally abusing you. It's all a power trip to them. This was all three years ago. I realize now that I'm a beautiful woman, inside and out. I have a great character, I have talents that I can use. I'm not a worthless piece of crap. I am worth it. It hurts growing a backbone, but it's necessary. Sometimes mine bends until I think it's going to break, but I'm fighting back. Eventually, my daughter will see her dad for the snake that he is. When she does, I will be there to pick up the pieces. It's been a long, hard journey, but I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Take it day by day and eventually you will too. Just don't give up and don't give in. Give and inch and they will take five. I am so much happier now than I ever would've been if we had stayed married. I'm just waiting for the OW to get dealt the same hand of cards that I was dealt.
Good luck to us all!!
Becka