hopefully i won't be back

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
hopefully i won't be back
8
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 9:41am

Hi. I've been reading the posts on here for a few months, and have posted a few. My husband and I have decided to move back in together and give our marriage another chance. I hope it works, as I can't (and won't) go back to the anger and distancing that we had before we legally separated. In the past three weeks, we haven't fought and we are working together to make a calm, and happy home for our children. My husband has been much more attentive, affectionate, and helpful, all while being calm and communicating with me. He holds me and says how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and that he will work very hard on our marriage. It does feel good. But, I still have concerns. What will happen when we have an argument? Can we make it work? How long will his good mood last? (He was depressed, angry, and distant for years). He does seem different, in a good way, and I hope it stays this way. I'm realistic, and I know there will be good days and bad days. But if we can work together and stay committed to the goal of a happy and long-lasting marriage, I think we can do it.

I've been ordering a lot of relationship books online from the public library. I have a stack of about 15 right now. LOL. Anyway, the first one by Neil Warren (the eharmony guy) says that couples need to make goals/dreams together, as well as separately. Short-term and long-term. I think I'll ask my husband to sit down and dream with me this weekend. It seems like we usually talk about his dreams and I tag along. Not that I don't get many of the things I want, I just don't seem to "dream". Hmmm...I wouldn't mind dreaming about a trip through Europe!

Anyway, cross your fingers for me. And good luck to all of you! Don't settle for less, and remember that you can do it! Jo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 1:55pm

I've got a couple of good books for you.
The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman
Love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson

Both are excellent. I highly recommend the Chapman book. Good Luck!
I hope you don't need us again!
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 5:17pm
Good luck girlie! I hope everything works out for you guys.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 9:58pm
I truly hope this works out for you and your H. Do us a favor....stop by in a few months and let us know how you're doing. The ladies here would love to hear a success story.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 11:54pm
I wish you all the best. Hope it works out for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 8:58am
Good luck.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 10:53am
That's great! Good luck and, like Christine said, come back in a few months and let us know how you are doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 1:44pm
Amen! Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 7:13pm
Thanks ladies, you're the best! I don't know if it's PMS or my overwhelming emotions, but I couldn't help but tear up when I read the kind words. Things are still going well. There are, of course, a few bumps along the road...but at least we are traveling it together! I will check back in within a few months. Good luck to all of you, wherever that road leads you. I'll be thinking of you. Jo