How can you put a woman before your son

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
How can you put a woman before your son
4
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 4:52pm
You know my ex just makes me sick. He hasnt seen our son in a week. Never puts in enough effort. He called on Sunday saying he started to call me earlier and if he knew I would have been home he would have come by to see him but he has no ride and it's a 2 1/2 hr train/bus ride. All this since his truck was reposessed, and the car seat was in the truck. Mind you it was only 12:30p.m. So I said what are you talking about, its early still. He's like by the time I got there it would be time to leave. I said what? because what he was saying made no sense. I said you dont have a curfew, you can get home anytime you like, besides he's going down for his nap and wont be up till about 4pm anyway. He's still saying it would make no sense, he'd have to leave shortly after getting there. So I got annoyed and said you are not fooling anyone you obviously must have something better to do this evening that's more important than seeing your son. I said you are actually telling me that coming at 4 is too late to see you son and he says yeah pretty much. I was so angry I just hung up the phone. how do you put a woman before your child? How can he do that. What the hell is wrong with him. Ooh Im so furious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 6:10pm

because he doesn't have to feel guilty with the "woman".


I go through this all the time.


I recently asked that my ex and OW re-evaluate their visitation schedule and make more time to see the children. I said it would be beneficial to the kids, especially since school will be out soon. They came back with "no time". Well, I should say OW was more open to it than XH was. She suggested taking the kids for a month in the summertime, BUT, child support should be re-evaluated. ( haha ) I said, no. XH didn't suggest, alls he said was that he was too busy with work and he works every weekend that they don't have the children blah blah blah ( I know that he doesnt work every weekend, thus the trips out of town etc... )


I ask myself, WHY doesn't he want to see the kids more often? I know they both work, I am not asking for during the week, I am asking for maybe another weekend, dinner during the week, something! But nope....


The reason? He has his freedom to do what he wants when he doesnt have the kids. He can run to the store without packing up 2 kids, he can drink Corona and go out until 3am, he can decide on a whim to go out of town.... etc. That's the reason. He makes the choices, right or wrong, that's what he wants. He doesn't want anyone to tell him what to do. The OW stays out of it and provides him with the choice... of course he will choose her and "fun" as opposed to responsibility.


Just remember, your child will respect and love YOU. The kids will realize someday what's up with daddy. By then, it may be too late. It is your job to stay together and provide stability. It's just not worth the fight.


Hugs,


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 8:57pm

If it helps, you are NOT in the boat alone. My STBX & my 5 yr old dd were (are?) SO SO SO close. I am AMAZED that he chooses NOT to take all the court orderd visitaion, when he COULD (we live a mile away!), not has he accepted any of the extra time i offer while i am at work at nite (about 2 extra visits a week he could have).

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 6:51pm

I was reading your post and trying to figure him out, and something occurred to me.

I gather that the visit would take place at your home, if he didn't have a vehicle and a car seat?

It may be that he doesn't really put a woman before his child in his heart and mind, but that he is uncomfortable having his "visitation" within the confines of your home. If you have just recently been divorced, or are still going through a divorce, he might not just be comfortable enough around you yet.

Not saying he's right, but that is what struck me about this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:02pm

He is putting himself before the child. It is uncomfortable and inconvenient to have to get his butt over to you on public transportation. I remember the first time my husband was without a car for awhile. I had been taking busses to work an all around town, and one day he had need of a bus, too. I showed him how to do it, how easy it was, then as soon as I left the house he called a buddy to come an dgive him a ride. He was without a car for over a month and kept bugging all his buddies, and finally admitted he felt it was "beneath him" to ride the bus.

Hmmm, so what does that make me? An avid proponent of public transpo and saving gas? (Answer: that makes me the idiot who loved him, LOL!)