how did you....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
how did you....
4
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 6:06pm

Approach the divorce topic if you did??? My husband and are aren't in a bitter battle about anything, but I am just not in love with him. I care about him, and I don't want him to be hurt, but I don't feel that way for him. How do I bring this up? where do I go from there????? I'm a SAHM to 3 boys with only a little bit of college, how can I afford to be divorced???? Thanks for listening.

N

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: mamatp01
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 6:31pm
Before you approach the divorce topic, I think you should seek counseling and really think about what you are doing. Read some books about love and the stages of love. It isn't all passion and those "in love" feelings. Love is a choice that we all make. Maybe you can rebuild your feelings. If you leave this relationship and move to another, not only will you go through many of the same "ho hum" stages, you will also have the challenges of a blended family not to mention what divorce does to children. Some of us have no choice. Our spouses have decided to leave us, sleep with others, abuse us and/or our children. This is just my opinion but I just believe that especially when children are involved, EVERYTHING needs to be done to repair a marriage before giving up. Afterall, isn't that what we vowed to do? Please know this isn't meant to attack or put you down in any way. There are so many marriages being thrown away that any that can be saved, should be. Good luck in your decisions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
In reply to: mamatp01
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 7:51pm
I am in complete agreement with the previous poster. You need to get some counselling. There is in every marriage boredom. You have to have the maturity to deal with it -- especially because you have kids. There is no abuse; you aren't fighting; you used to love him -- and you know what? You probably still do. Work on this together. Don't just walk away. Make the effort to go into marriage counselling for you, your kids, and your husband.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: mamatp01
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 10:38pm
I have been reading a book I think would benefit you. Please check it out.
The title is: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
I know this isnt the advice you asked for. Please read the book you'll understand.
Best wishes.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
In reply to: mamatp01
Tue, 05-30-2006 - 1:04pm
I agree, talking to a third party helps a great deal. I would explore why you feel that way. I know I have been dealing with that for a few years now, not sure what was going on, until I realized H (my husband) was involved with someone else (I don't have solid proof, but I know it, I know it, I want to shout that I know it!!). I've mulled it over with my counselor, discussing options, what other couples experience, etc. As for how to approach it, I'm wondering that myself. I'm going to consult an attorney and then inform H of my decision. How is your H with you? How would he probably react? I don't think mine would be devastated in the least; he just seems to be afraid to make the first move. Maybe you and H could seek some marriage counseling to see what is going on, what can be done to make it work, etc. If you are really, really intent on doing something, then my advice (what others have said) would be to talk to an attorney first, after every other option to save the marriage is looked at. Sorry to hijack the thread. Good luck and, again, I highly recommend talking to a third party first, whether it's by yourself or with your husband. Give it some time, if you haven't already.