How do I get a "Life" - Please help
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| Tue, 10-10-2006 - 9:07am |
I'm 40 years old and have been divorced for 2 years. Don't get me wrong, the divorce was the best thing I ever did - no regrets! However, I literally have no social life - and I mean NONE! When I was married, my ex didn't want to "share" me with anyone - not even girlfriends. I lost several friends over the years. I don't have anyone I to talk on the phone with, hang out with....nothing. I don't know how to connect with people anymore.
To make things worse (or better depending on how you look at it), I have a great job, but I work from home - no human interaction. Sometimes I have to travel, but that's only like once a year. I've thought about getting another job where I would go into an office, but I really don't want to give up the job I have.
I have a wonderful 16 year old daughter, who is really my best friend, but I know I need some adult friends - I crave it. I've recently moved into a new area (Mass/NH border), hoping that I'd be able to meet up with new people, but it's not easy. I'm not religious, so I don't go to church. I'm not a drinker, so I don't hang out in bars (that's a good thing I know!). I'm not athletic, but have thought about joining a gym, just to see if I can meet some friends - however, I really can't afford a gym membership. I'm not artistic and have no intentions of joining some "sewing circle". I've met a couple of my daughter's friends mom's, but they have husbands and younger kids, and seem to be more "June Cleaver" than I am.
I've got to believe that there are other decent women out there like me - recently divorced after several years of marriage, and no longer a network of friends that are looking to reconnect with the world.
What do people do in a situation like this? Does anyone have any advice? Message boards and emails are great, but if the person you're communicating with is a thousand miles away that doesn't help. I need human interaction!! Is there some kind of "online" website for women in my area, where emails could be exchanged, and then meet up for a drink just to chat????
Please help.....
Suzq

Hi suzq0266...
First...Pianoguy and you are New England neighbors. .
In your post, you indicated that you "work from home and have no human interaction." Perhaps that's the reason why you aren't enjoying LIFE? Maybe you should either take the 2nd job at the office...or at least make an effort to join a club, take an enrichment course or do some volunteer work?
In other words: MIGRATE WITH THE MASSES...introduce yourself...and see who is out there experiencing a situation similar to yours?
DON'T do this with the intention of "finding somebody right away!" . Get out and make new friends FIRST! As people get to know you, the odds are pretty good that 'one or two will REALLY LIKE YOU!'
Good Luck!
Pianoguy
It is hard to get back into the swing of a totally different lifestyle after divorce. Just pull up your bootstraps and go for it!!!! Take up a conversation with someone in the grocery store, hit the library, take a walk in the park, look in the local paper and see what groups are meeting. The best way to meet people is just put yourself out there. It's sounds scary, but you can do it.
Good Luck
Robin
i think you have basically written down what a lot of us go thru (myself included). in my case, it wasn't that my XH didn't 'share' me with others, but people tended to drift away from us, because they really couldn't "take" him.
I did make some new friends, since i got divorced (separated 3 years ago, divorced 2 years ago). definately it helps if you join some kind of social thing - like a church or synagoge. but there are other ways open to you. first of all, don't just do something "to meet people", do it the other way around - find something that you LIKE or would be INTERESTED in doing, and do it - then you will meet people who have similar interests. think of things that you would be interested in doing - volunteering somewhere? hiking club? walking club? art? feng shui? whatever - call up your local community college and see what kind of classes are open. or is there something you are really good at - maybe you could serve as a mentor for other women, for example.
the other thing i would suggest, is if you feel that you don't know how to connect with people, you might benefit from an assertivness training class (do they still have those around?) or a basic sales course (like dale carnegie).
Hi-
I am sorry I can't offer you much advice about meeting people. I met my current husband on-line. I live just outside of Manchester, NH and work in Husdon, NH-just over the MA border. I would just like to welcome you to the area. Oh, I also have a 16 year old daughter and a 12 year old son.
Karen
Suzq,
You've made a detailed list of things your not interested in doing. Now, what ARE your interests? Or potential interests? Do you like to read books? Think about joining a book club (local bookstores and chains like Barnes & Noble, etc. often have meetings).
Do you like garden? Join the garden club. Do you like to cook/bake? Try signing up for a cooking class. Many large grocery stores are starting to offer classes.
Always wanted to learn about other cultures or always meant to take a craft course? Check your community college course listings or the local park district to see what's being offered. You can often find short courses in just about anything at local craft stores, the park district, even some community centers.
Or, volunteer. There's dozens of organizations that would love to have your hands and times. You determine how much. Check with your chamber of commerce for a central volunteer clearinghouse. There's any number of places that you can volunteer. You choose!
Go where your interests take you and you'll find others with similiar interests.
Good luck,
Wisdomtooth
:-)
...always good to see ya.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~