How do I get ready to "start over"?
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 06-20-2007 - 7:00pm |
Just a quick senario, my husband cheated on me 6 months ago. I tried to keep the family together, but he made it unbareable. I finally packed up the kids and went to "visit" my sister about 2 weeks ago. I'm supposed to be scoping things out as this is where we would go/will go when I become a single Mom. My sister lives in a different state. She has offered for us to stay here for a bit while I get settled. I have been a stay home Mom, and have a 3 year old and a 6 month old. What can I do now to help make the move later easier (for me and the kids)? I looked at the cost of childcare ($400 per week for the 2 kids), and rents ($900 for 2 bedrooms). My child support will probably be about $700 or $800 per month - no spousal support. I can't really look for a job (and I don't know how to do that anyway since I can't afford childcare).
Help? Where do I start? I want to have some things in place so I don't completely fall apart when he decides he wants a divorce. I did find a local Mom's group and will try to make some friends for me and my 3 year old. What else?? How did you make it the first months? We don't have assets like a house, so I won't have money. I have a car that I think he'll let me keep, furniture (but no money to store it), and at least no debt to deal with either.
Any advice is appreciated!

Hi!
I'm sorry you have to move your 2 small children into your sister's house. Your scenario sounds to familiar to mine.
Anyways, in my divorce decree, my attorney got me cs, alimony, and 1/2 daycare paid by EX. Ex didn't have an attorney so he just signed the paperwork (he talked me down on 1/2 the alimony). I would see if your attorney can get him to pay 1/2 daycare since CS is to cover the cost of housing, food, clothing, etc.
Good Luck
Lawyer -- start shopping. Get advice. First question is whether it is wise to move out of state. I get the idea, probably not--jurisdictional issues.
Unless, your stbx is totally cooperative, I guess.
Also, why wouldn't you get spousal support?
Hopefully, if you can move nearer to family they can help with childcare a bit while you get on your feet. There are ways to earn a living at home (provide childcare yourself; tutor if you have the skills; start a home business; freelance writing or art/graphics if you have those skills, etc).
Ultimately, you may have to go back to woh and thus have the money for childcare and all those other expenses. I know I will have to go back. My kids are alot older, though: 6 and 5. Still, there will be before and after school care (sigh).
I know it is a really awful situation -- none of us should be forced to give up our dreams and the dreams/plans for our children (like sah), but we gotta deal.
Sounds like you are being practical and dealing -- atta girl. First step, though, find that lawyer and ask questions.
M
You will be fine, and so will the kids. It's great that you can move closer to family. That will be really beneficial for you and the kids both.
Good Luck!!!
Cat
Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7
Thank you for the advice. I did speak to a lawyer 6 months ago when this first happened. I have a friend back home who is not a divorce lawyer, but if my husband and I agree to things, she will file for us (my husband does not want us each to get lawyers with the small amount of assets we have, and end up giving them what little we do have - or even going into debt). At that time he was agreeable to me taking the kids to live with my sister. I don't think that has changed. He claims he will visit monthly for a weekend, but wants me to help by decreasing child support to cover the cost of the plane ticket (this seems like a bad idea to me). Child support for 2 kids is 25% of his income - about $700 or $800 depending if he teaches in the summer.
Our only real disagreements were small. He doesn't want to give me any of his retirement because he says I "chose" not to work. The truth is I was on Unemployment for months when we first married because I moved out of state with him, then I was pregnant, I stayed home with my son 2 years, got pregnant again, and my daughter was 10 days old when I found out about the affair (she's now 6 months old). I intended to work once the kids grew up a little more. She's so little to put in childcare now. I'm getting off the topic here. Anyway, state law gives me 1/2 of the retirement he put in while we were maried. It also does not give spousal support for people married less than 10 years. So that's all I would get for me for the 5 years we were married and all I gave up to follow his career.
So, I guess aside from the legal stuff, is there anythig else I can do? My family won't be able to do childcare very often, but maybe for an interview or something.
If I let myself dream... I'd stay home with the baby for one more year (maybe work from home - if I find a home). I have done some mystery shopping, but that is maybe $100 a month. Then go back to school for a Masters in a year after I've established residency in the new state (don't know how I'd pay for it). Then get a job (baby would be 3 1/2 by then). Possible? Probably not. Don'ty know how I'd pay for school. oops... I'm off topic again.
Any more advice?
Thank you!!