how do I get started? advice please

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2000
how do I get started? advice please
3
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 10:54am

Greetings all...

I fear I am on a path of ending an 11 year marriage with two kids, ages 5 and 7. How do I start? What should I be thinking about as I make this decision? What is driving this decision is the fact that my husband lies to me often about money and I just cannot let it go any longer. The kicker is we just bought a condo and moved to a new city and the kids started at a new school. I cannot afford the place on my own, but I think he is required to pay both alimony and child support in the state of Illinois, where we live. I have been looking around on the net about Illinois divorce law and that seems to be the case. That said, we are budgeted sooooo closely that I am really scared how this can work. Tell me the steps I should be taking. I figure this will take a few months to put into place. I need to find a better job, get the kids arranged in after school stuff and figure out the what I am entitled to in this state. Do you tell the hubby what you are doing? How do you just go through the motions??

thanks in advance
dana

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 11:38am

Hi Dana, and welcome to the board!


First....take a deep breath and slow down. I felt the exact same way when I first considered filing for divorce. A million thoughts ran through my head, and I was scared to death. And the financial aspect of it was the scariest! You will get through it, but first, you need to be informed. Before you do anything else, make an appointment to see an attorney. Usually, you can get a free or low-cost initial consolation. Go in with

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 11:53am

When you're married, lying about money is a big deal. But is this your only problem? Have you talked to him about it?

Divorce isn't easy. It's not easy being a single parent, even when your spouse doesn't nothing. It's not easy taking care of everything all by yourself with no one else to pick up even a modicum of the slack.

Divorce should be a last resort. You shouldn't even THINK of walking away from your marriage until you've overturned every stone. You should think if it's okay for your children to be the children of divorce just because you didn't do everything you could to make the marriage work.

So that's my advice on how to get started. Tell your husband how you feel. Get counseling, both individual and couples. Then see if you really want to end the marriage.

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 12:16pm

Hi Dana... I agree with Christine AND Calla.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~