How do I get on top of this sadness?
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How do I get on top of this sadness?
| Sat, 07-09-2005 - 4:31pm |
I don't know what to do. I am so sad all the time. I know now that he's not coming back and that my family is gone, but I can't seem to accept it. The littlest things make me cry. My house is falling apart around me and I am so broke. The emotional stress is incredible. I am so overwhelmed. I just need to get a firm footing, but it seems like everything I touch is falling apart. How do I deal with all of the mess? There is too much, but I can't seem to single one thing out to work on because they all seem to be priority. I am afraid that my sadness and stress over finances is going to effect the boys. I don't want to hurt them in anyway. They are hurting enough. Please give me some advice as to how I can get things in order and do away with this chaos.
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda

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Hugs, Brenda
>>>I don't care what happens to me. I have screwed up my life beyond belief. How do I keep from doing the same with my boys?<<<
You have to get your life in order and take care of yourself to set a good example for your boys. They will appreciate having a happy mother more than a warn out disappointed mother who gave up on herself. Remember you have to put your own oxygen mask on first (I think there is actually a book out with that title). You will adjust to working full time it just takes time. And you can make the most of the time you have with them, playing games and focusing on them. When I get home with my dd we eat, play games (she's getting really good at UNO, she just turned 5) and then read three books before bed. Maybe it's not as much as I could give her if I didn't have to work, but it's what I can give her and she's happy and healthy and so am I (for the most part). On the weekends we try to have some down time but also do something fun, riding her bike or going to the park. I rest up a lot when my dd is with her dad, and I also clean, exercise and read, so when she comes back I am ready and recharged for her.
Hugs to you Brenda,
I went through a nasty divorce myself last year. We didn't have kids, so I can't even imagine what that would have been like. Somedays, I was so overstressed from the weight of it all and the immense changes that I didn't know how my body kept moving, but it did. In my experience, I had made my life about that man. There were things about my life I didn't like and now that he was out of the picture, I had to look at myself and fill that gaping hole. It's not easy. A friend of mine who had been divorced several years told me "You'll just wake up one morning and the birds will be singing and the sun will be shining and you'll realize that you're going to be okay." I kept waiting for that day to come, and it did, but I kept expecting it sooner. I'll have those good days and then every once in a while the tidal wave of what happened last year will smack me in the face. But as time goes on, I have more sunshine days and less tidal wave days.
I've done a lot of reading and it's true that divorce is like a death that you have to mourn. My father passed away when I was a teenager and I swear my divorce was more emotionally challenging. I think this is because when you divorce, that other person is still running around the planet living a life without you.
It was also hard to let go of the stability of two incomes and a nice home. I had to mourn that too. It felt weird to be living by myself again, in my thirties, alone in a little one bedroom condo. As time passed, I've come to accept the life I have now (I even like it) and it became the norm and that other life is becoming more and more of a fog. After my father died, one of the church elders told my mother that one of God's gifts to us was the ability to forget. We thought that was an awful thing to say at the time but now I've come to see the wisdom in those words. If we had to carry this pain around, as sharp and biting as it feels now, we'd never be able to function long term. You'll never forget what happened, but the pain will lessen. Allow yourself that time to mourn and give yourself time to accept the things that have transpired. It will come and you are going to get through this and you are going to be okay.
Brenda, How do i do it?
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