How do I keep the kids out of the mess?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
How do I keep the kids out of the mess?
4
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 5:05pm

How do I keep myself from getting so upset that I become angry with my children or involving them in the situation? They won't get away when we have an argument. They (11 and 8) lurk or just barge in and try to listen to all the details. My oldest (17) is so tired of this, after over three years, that she locks herself in her bedroom or drives to a friend's house. Their dad just gets up and leaves, and I'm left with the anger and the children. Apparently, I'm not allowed to leave for the night and have some alone time to reflect. Gee...he needs alone time after moving out for 2 months and moving back in.

I need to do something other than taking a Xanax or drinking a glass of wine while soaking in the tub. Maybe a punching bag or a pillow to hit? Argh.....!! I don't want to keep eating...I've gained at about 10 pounds this year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 8:39am

well - I want you to know that you are not the only one going thru this , i cringe when i think back at how i acted between the time we discussed divorce and the time i moved out. i was like a fish wife at times - a nervous wreck - screaming and yelling every time i had to say anythign to my ex.

but there are a few steps you can take to decrease the stress levels.

first - i am not a great supporter of medication, but sometimes it is needed. i don't know if xanax is the answer - but there may be something that will help you cope during this period. talk to your doctor.

in addition --- i know its difficult, but make sure you are eating properly and getting enuf sleep and getting exercise. i know its hard --- i remember having nightmares during that periods, i remember waking up screaming, so its hard. but if you put it all together - proper nutrition and exercise - the sleep may come easier and you will be less tired and as a result a little less stressed-out. any aerobic exercise is great --- walking, cross training, jogging, even dancing ---- anything that works up a good sweat and if you can throw uin some weight exercises you will be ahead of the game.

next --- try to spend as little time as possible with your stbx. i know that its not easy, but i really think it will be better for all of you ---even tho it will mean spending less time with your kids. it will be better for them to have 'quality' time with you then to be subjected to screaming matches. OR - if you feel a fight starting, then YOU be the one to walk out. a fight can only take place if the two of you are involved.

hang in there...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:27am

Hey!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:42pm

Thanks, I will try your advice. I tend to be a junk food junkie, but I'm going to eat more salads and cut out the ice cream. I did get a bike and bike rack that will fit all of our bicycles. I'd like to hit the local (flat) bike trail and just enjoy the upcoming cooler weather.

As for the arguing, I'm trying to let it go...I am! It's just so hard when I have so much anger and stress. And unfortunately, I hold that anger in even when he's not around and we haven't talked. My poor kids have put up with this for years, and they don't deserve it. THis weekend we're going to my brother's house and spending the long weekend just resting and having fun. My s-i-l is a lot of fun and likes to do family things. My "sorta" hubby won't be going, so it will be good to not have that worry. I'm going to try not to wonder what he's doing and just focus on what WE are doing. I think he will miss us...but too bad for him...he chose not to go. (But that's another story).

Thanks again, Jo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 11:35pm

I think that you'll be surprised at how redirecting your energies into something that's positive for you will help to work past a lot of the anger that you're feeling.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~