How do I make him STOP?
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| Mon, 05-22-2006 - 8:14pm |
Help....I have read some of the posts on this Board and I didn't find any like my situation so I thought I would start a new discussion.
I have been divorced for a little over a year, was seperated for a year before that but my ex-husband won't leave me alone! He did not want the divorce, I did so I left. I walked away with almost nothing, I left him the house, the truck, the dogs, most of the furniture, everything....I just wanted out. I stayed in the marriage longer than I should have due to guilt, fear, and a number of other reasons too numerous to mention. But he will not leave me alone. He constantly calls or shows up at my job. He calls with a stupid question or a stupid excuse (did you just watch that TV show? What do you think of the weather? etc) We have nothing to talk about and usually the phone conversations are one sided or if I answer his question then there is silence since I have nothing to say to him. It is to the point where most of the time I just don't answer my phone after looking at caller ID. After a couple of days when I won't take his calls he will call and leave me crying messages asking what is wrong and if I am mad at him........hello....we are DIVORCED....LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
It is just so frustrating. He was recently hospitalized so I stayed at his place to take care of the animals, and since then I feel like I have taken 2 steps backwards. He is sooo needy, his most recent calls have been about his health or doctor/insurance issues. It is like he expects me to take care of everything for him like I did when we were married all those years.
He can't seem to understand that we are divorced and I am trying to cut my ties to him...he just needs to get it through his head that I do not want to have telephone conversations with him. I do not want him showing up at my place of employment. I want to be done with him.
Anyone had a similar experience? Anyone have any suggestions???

Hi, and welcome to the board!
I don't want this to sound harsh, but unless you have children together (and it doesn't sound like you do) you can make him stop contacting you. First, tell him directly, preferably via e-mail so you have a record, that you want him to stop contacting you. Spell out the behaviors exactly - no phone calls, no stopping by your place of employment, etc. If he fails to listen, tell him you will contact the authorities about a restraining order. If he calls crying in his messages, you don't call back. And obviously, no more favors, such as watching his pets or answering questions about his medical care and insurance.
It may seem mean, but he obviously really needs you to do this so he can move on and create a new network of support. If you stand firm, he will have no choice but to comply with your wishes. I know this isn't easy, but if you truly want to cut ties, this is the best option. Good luck!
Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange....
I agree with Christine about taking steps to "cut him off".
BUT.....
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Thank you all so much. You have all basically told me the same thing, the same thing my friends have been telling me. I guess I need to get tougher with him, and instead of just ignoring his calls tell him to stop and to leave me alone.
I am involved with someone else, and he keeps telling me to just tell the ex that I have a new boyfriend and I don't want to be bothered but I have not yet done that. I just don't want to deal with all the emotional crap that is sure to come my way when he realizes there is someone new in my life now....but maybe that is exactly what he needs to hear??? Either that or the threat of a restraining order may do the trick.
I will let you all know how things are going. The funny thing is since I posted my story a day or two ago, I have not heard from him. On one hand that is WONDERFUL, on the other I keep expecting his next big emotional meltdown.
And the worst part of all of this, my family loves him and they spend more time with him than they do with me. So I KNOW that when things go from bad to worse with him and I, I will not only have to deal with him and his emotions, I will have to deal with my family's too.
I guess I just don't have any more fight left in me. Maybe I need to get madder and tougher with him, and them and tell them all to leave me alone!!!
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT!