How do I really move forward

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
How do I really move forward
4
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 11:32am
My husband and I have been separated for six months. Four of those under the same roof,but different rooms. We've had a turbulent relationship to say the least. We've been together for eight years,we have three children together,and three from a previous marriage. The short version of the story is that through out the years I've hung on to him with a death grip. When ever he's wanted to leave I've begged,and guilted him into staying. I know I never should have done that,but I just felt so desperate to be with him. This last time I didn't want it to be over,but I was tired of holding on so tight,so I just didn't "fix" things. It drug out for months,and then I finally just told him to move out. Now two months later,and we still hang out,sleep together every once in awhile,and "play house" when ever he wants to. He's said he wants me back,and that he's sorry only to take it back,and leave again a week later. He's not a good guy,he never has been. If I told you some of the things he's done to me over the years you'd tell me I was crazy,and I know i have been. I want this to be over. I can't afford to file for divorce right this minute,and frankly I'm not sure how the heck I'm going to make it on my own with six kids financially,but I can't keep going like this. he's got everything he wanted. His freedom to do as he pleases,and have his family around when he wants. I keep trying to set boundaries,but for what ever reason I'm weak,and give in to him. Maybe I'm using him too. Maybe I'm just doing it because then I can still depend on his income,and company? I feel like such a mess. I've done some things that were very out of character for me,and believe it's because I really do want to burn the bridge. make it be over once and for all. I feel desperate for closure! I have no family or friends around,never have. My resources are very limited as far as a support system is concerned. How do I go about starting over. Where do I turn for the help I need? I know I must sound like a total basket case,but in my real life I've always been a steady dependable kind of person. My children are all well rounded honor roll students who are involved in school activities,plays,and sports. I'm a very involved parent,and as messed up as it all sounds I have made every effort to maintain the appearance of normalcy,and routine for my kids. For some reason that only lends itself to my inner feelings of confusion. like inside I'm screaming to get control! On the outside I seemingly have it together. I'm rambling here. I'm sorry.I just wish I could find some help. Maybe I should move closer to my family. I just know my children would be devastated to loose our home,and their school,and friends. Any advice would be appreciated.
Christy
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 2:38pm

Hello !


Your girls are beautiful but, let me tell you something -you know the sayin - somone else is always worse off than you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 6:04pm

Hi,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 10:32pm

Dear Christy,


I have walked a mile or two in the shoes you describe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 10:59pm
You were amazingly right on with your assessment. Hard to imagine how you got all of that out of what I typed. I know I didn't get across what I was trying to convey as well as I'd hoped,but if only YOU followed I'll be grateful. I'm going to really try to take your words to heart. I do need more time to be me,Christy. Aside from Mom,and wife. It's scary just to think about trying to get out there,and meet people,but I know it really is what I need. I have two weekends a month now all to myself. A prospect I'm actually going to try to embrace.I started having babies so young. It could be kind of nice to maybe do some things I've never done. Like taking a belly dancing class. May sound funny,but I have always thought it would be fun,or getting involved with a local theater group. As you can see your post has got me thinking. Thank you. I know no matter what happens. Whether my dh,and I work out,or not. I want to come away from this whole mess a better person,and a better example for my daughters.
Christy
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