how do I survive pick up/ drop off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2006
how do I survive pick up/ drop off?
5
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:55am
I'm not sure what to do anymore and I am beyond frustrated. He is always very late or very early picking up and dropping off kids. I 've gone out of my way to help him the last few months, hoping to start a new trend but he still has no consideration for my schedule whatsoever. I don't hink mediation would help because they can't "make" him be on time. I don't want to take him to them because he moved about 30 miles away and I feel that was his choice. Also, he would pull the same stuff, like not being there. I tried to "give him a taste of his own medicine" by not being here one time he was late. He retaliated by not taking them on his next two scheudled nights. I feel like he is in control and I'm in a lose/lose situation. Please, any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:36pm
Is your divorce finished? If not there are some provisions that you can put into your custody agreement to help to curb some behaviors, or at least give him less control. i think in some states there is a set waiting period at least for pick up. If they do not arrive by that time you can assume that they are not coming and continue with your own arrangments. Keep a log, document days and times he has them, when he was late/early.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 6:38pm
Thanks for the reply. I know there is so much I should be keeping track of. Everything has been final since Jan. and I just can't afford to take him back to court.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 8:23pm

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I also endure being "punished." If I knew then what I know now, I would have had a LOT more specific information put in the custody section of the decree.


About going back to court....you don't have to have an attorney represent you, though I know it can be kind of scary without one. You can go to the court clerk's office and ask for the forms to

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 10:00pm
I know what you are saying and I think about it alot. I just can't get past the fact that no one can make him communicate and be decent and considerate. I could eventually hold him in contempt I suppose, but what is that going to do? I feel like unless I really do have to be somewhere when he doesn't follow the schedule that doind anything other than accepting it just pushes the evelope further. I hate it because I have residential custody and he has the power-the choice to pick up whenever is convenient and drop off whenever is convenient for him. He wants to act as if I have no other life and the world revolves around his. The kicker is, he used to be the nicest guy until he met someone and she runs his life and I knew her from before and she is a total....The mediator already went through all this but he isn't following any if it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 8:06am

I know what you are going through and I have been divorced for 5 YEARS! I was nice at first with the visitation because I wanted the kids to know their dad and he didn't seem to have a clue how to go about not being a family anymore. Big Mistake in the sense that now he seems to think I should forever not have a life!

If you can find a way to modify and make things more specific I would try to do so. I have tried everything but basically there is nothing that can be done. He has been married twice now and I keep hoping that the new wife will be the one to get him in shape. He has only been married a short time time so I still have hope. I try to tell him as nicely as I can that he NEEDS to call and make arrangements with the kids by Wed at 9:30 when pick up will be. He doesn't because he gets to be in charge and knows I won't NOT let the kids go. But, I am an adult and SO and I take very good care of all of our children, we both have full time jobs and all the kids have activities/sports which require alot of our time. SOME weekends we would like to just go out and be together..you know the two adult things. Hard to do when you NEVER know which day he is coming. He is famous for last minute changes. Keep reminding and keep making him understand YOUR time is as IMPORTANT as his!

Kelly