how do i survive without my DSs ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
how do i survive without my DSs ...
2
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 11:52pm

...

it's been 4 days since my twin DSs transitioned "officially" to their father's place, and i'm in a daze! for those who know, i wanted to avoid a $20K custody battle and one of DSs begged me to go "live with his dad"; at 11, i didn't want to drag them through this divorce any further, they've both been so confused and acting out and angry over this entire process, especially with their father cutting them off last summer. but i must admit, Ex has kicked it into gear in the past couple of months or so.

but i can't get over the emptiness i feel (the house is soooo quiet without them!) i'm so used to the "routine" of being Mom.me. but i get them tomorrow and keep them through Tuesday. and Ex says he's moving closer to me so boys can spend a lot of time with me after work, then go to this place at night (i'm excited about that part!) we both agree that we need not bounce them back and forth, so, i'm trying to be a "big girlie" about this. besides, the boys call me all the time, especially the "one" who wanted desperately to live with his father (ha ha) it's great that i got them their own cell phones, it's soooo much easier, don't have to go through Ex to speak with my bunchkins.

i know at their age and going into preteens, boys truly need their father, and this way, at least they are no longer subjected to isolation and the extreme torture this divorce has heaped on them, but what can i do now with my life. how do you go from having this in-tact family, to feeling like you're back in college (alone and starting over on my own ... at 40!!) i feel afraid, sad, depressed, anxious, excited, confused, lost ... it's like being bipolar in an alcoholic haze?? i try to put myself into the shoes of an "empty nester", then, i see Moms with their kids and read these posts and hear about the struggles of Moms with their kids and i just feel alone, very invisible.

also, can't get constant horrific image of Ex, skank GF (probably soon to be skank second wife) and my sons allll happy together--cut to me: alone, bitter, but with great Via Spiga shoes

thanks for listening & happy new year to all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 3:29am
Oh Sweetie! Im so sorry this happened this way - BUT, you can & should be content in knowing that you did what you felt was best for the boys at this point.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 8:16am

I've always been impressed by the strength and humor you show in your posts. You will get through this, I promise. I totally understand how rejected and awful you must feel. But, as a mother, you realized that going into unbelievable debt and dragging your children through a miserable court battle was not best for them. THAT is the sign of a good mother - one that truly promotes her children's' well-being.

While you may not have what the courts consider primary custody, it sounds like you're going to have the chance to see your children all the time. Also, what they think is fun now may not be the case later. You might want to prepare yourself for the children asking to live with you full-time again down the road. My DS had a stint where he wanted to live with his dad, but reality set in, and now he's very happy with our joint-custody arrangement.

Hang in there.