How do people go on?
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How do people go on?
| Wed, 08-22-2007 - 2:42am |
I don't know how people move on after being divorced or seperated. It should be easy. My boyfriend of 14 years never helped me. I took care of our 3 kids and did everything around the house. He cheated on me, he hit me, he called me names and quite frankly I don't think he ever loved me. Despite all this I feel like I still love him why I do not know. I feel like I am going crazy. I am angry and sad and all I want to do is cry and sleep. But I have to get up and listen to my kids fight and I have to go to bed alone and I have no one to talk to. He scared all of my friends away during our relationship including my family. I am so alone and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to function. I am on vacation from work but I have to go back this weekend I don't know if I will be able to function at the same time I have to work or I don't have money to pay the bills he left me with or money to feed the kids. I have to much on my plate I don't know where to start. My kids keep asking for money to go school clothes shopping or school supply shopping. I keep telling them we don't have any money but they hound me everyday. They fight with each other which drives me crazy. I have only a couple dollars in my account and I am scared that I won't be able to survive. I am alone constantly with no one to talk to except myself. On top of it all he calls daily and early in the morning just to bug me and make me feel like crap. He still has stuff here that he picks up daily so I have to see him and the smug look on his face like he is winning. He rubs it in my face that I will forever be alone and sometimes I think that is true. I am miserable and at my end. How do people move on? When does it get easier and when will it feel like I made a good choice. I don't know why I write on here. I know what people will say when they respond and it doesn't make me feel better. I have seen a doctor got depression meds and even that doesn't help. What do people do to feel better?

Can you pack his things up and tell him to come get all the rest of them? If you can send him a registered letter telling him he has to pick his stuff up by a certain date or you will toss it (and then sell it on ebay or in a garage sale for money). If he doesn't have nice things to say on the phone, hang up. Your conversations now should concern nothing but the children.
I know the feeling of thinking you'll be alone forever. It scares me, but I now know if that happens I will be Ok and so will you.
I wish you the best. Take care of yourself.
Also, remember to vent here anytime. There are wonderful ladies and gents here with great advice.
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
I understand exactly how you are feeling. I had a really hard day yesterday, but I learned something last night that has totally turned my mood around, and maybe it will help you. I sat down and made a list of all the things that are making me feel sad and angry. Every little detail, trying to figure out why I was so hurt and angry inside about all of this going on. It made me realize that what I was mourning was not losing my husband or my happy marriage. It was losing what I wanted him/it to be in my head, and that wasn't reality. All the things that made me sad, and that I felt like I was going to miss so much it hurt, was not how he really was. He was not a caring person that I am now going to have to miss. He never put me or the kids first, He was never there for me, and now I'm going to be alone. I am not losing any kind of love, because he didn't love me. I was angry that he seems so much not to care, because he doesn't. I am angry that he has put me and my kids in this position of struggle because that's the kind of person he is. He is totally self centered, uncaring, and cold. That is what I am losing! I'm not losing anything good at all. I am losing all the self centered, uncaring, cold crap that I have put up with for the last 18 years. All of the name calling, feeling inadequate, wishing he was better, seeing my kids get treated not so great, comming second, third, fourth to everything else, not feeling loved or important....it's gone! I should be rejoicing!
You will function at work because you have to. There's no choice. Try and understand that your kids are going through a rough time too. I know it's hard when they are fighthing, I have 3 myself, and they do the same thing. Just remember, they are only doing what they have been taught to do for the last 14 years, watching him hit you, calling you names, being mean. They are going to have to learn a new way of life just like you are, and they will.
Money is tough, I understand that. Don't let yourself get frustrated over it. Remember, the kids are probably used to getting new school stuff, so this is a change for them, and they expect it. Don't answer the phone when he calls, you are in charge now of your life, not him. Do not allow yourself to spend one minute of your day talking to someone who is making you feel bad. You have control over the situation, hang up. I agree with the previous poster, make him pick up his stuff ONCE or it's gone. And do it!
The sweetest revenge is success. Let him see that. Do not ever ever let him see you falling apart. If he comes by to get his stuff....then get up early, make sure the house is clean, put some make up on, look good, and you will feel so much better. Let him see that you can do it, that he has not won, that he has not left you in a crumbling pile on the floor. Even if you feel that way...don't give in to it.
Last night I was feeling sad about our family, and what a mess it has become. My 9 year old asked if we could eat dinner at the table, which we never ever do. So I said sure. I got all the kids at the table, served the dinner, and we were eating. I was sitting there feeling so bad that it as just me and them, seeing the empty chair where their dad should have been, feeling sorry for myself. My 9 year old looked at me all excited and said we're eating just like a real family! (of course then he went back to fighting with his sister!) He's so right, and he just managed to fill my heart up....WE are the family.
I was just reading your post it was just wonderful, such a helpful persepective about what you are not really losing and it is wonderful that your 9 year old can be so positve... he wasn't sad about where his dad was, but happy that he had the rest of you. You obviously are doing a great job!