How do u deal w/ holidays & toddlers?
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How do u deal w/ holidays & toddlers?
| Fri, 09-22-2006 - 11:50am |
Knowing there are only so many years that the Easter Bunny is real and Santa and the Tooth Fairy and all that...how do you handle it?
I mean, it isn't fair that I miss out on Christmas morning and the amazement in their eyes when they see what he brought them. Or, the Easter egg hunt and the baskets, etc. And why should my H miss out either when this is all said and done? I get so upset even thinking about missing out on one of those mornings, I emotionally can't handle it. It is what is keeping me in this marraige. Honestly, the thought of missing out on anything drives me to the point of sobbing hysterical tears.
My 2 are 2.5 and 4 so I have that small window of time still ahead of me of the magic. How do we both share in that magic? Any thoughts?
~helpformenow
I mean, it isn't fair that I miss out on Christmas morning and the amazement in their eyes when they see what he brought them. Or, the Easter egg hunt and the baskets, etc. And why should my H miss out either when this is all said and done? I get so upset even thinking about missing out on one of those mornings, I emotionally can't handle it. It is what is keeping me in this marraige. Honestly, the thought of missing out on anything drives me to the point of sobbing hysterical tears.
My 2 are 2.5 and 4 so I have that small window of time still ahead of me of the magic. How do we both share in that magic? Any thoughts?
~helpformenow

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Santa.... and the Easter Bunny... AND the tooth fairy all manage to drop by to see us whenever the kids are there closest to "the day" of the holiday.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hey lady, how ya doin.
I was reading your post. For me too the holidays are a big deal, they never were with ex but all of a sudden since all of this custody stuff is going on he is so "holiday conscious" I think I spelled that word wrong lol, anyway, as of right now he is getting Columbus Day (fine with me), he had Labor Day (I gave him that day) on Thanksgiving Day we share I get until 2pm, he get from 2-6pm. The judge asked what time my family gets together and I said around 12 so that's how that came about.
Now for me Christmas is a big deal, always has been so I understand what the other poster is saying about the amazement and such. Which as I think about it I will have it at least for this year so far. However when ex gets his overnights (I imagine that will evenutally happen once he gets his act together) then I will have that same concern as well. It is the magic, the amazement on their faces etc. Those are moments you cant get back. Im will to share the major holidays, however, he is being a jackbutt about them saying he wants the whole day. As far as you know or anyone else for that matter with an existing custody arrangement and parenting plans etc how are the holiday schedules set, can they be shared or is it so cut forth as each parent gets every other holiday?
That scares me too.
They should get a whole day with just me or just him, ya know? Enjoying their OWN holiday. I hate it...I hate it all...so scarey.
My EX's family always has their gathering on Christmas Eve... mine of Christmas day.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
i hope it's ok with you that i am going to be a little blunt here.
you ask - how do you deal with holidays? you just deal with it. i am not belittling the holidays, and i am not belittling your feelings, but seriously - holidays is not your entire "life" and it is not a reason to stay in a marriage. (and - on a side note - the focus of holidays anyway should not be 'the presents' but really the spiritual aspect of the holiday, if you ask me).
i do understand that you want to be "in" your children's lives, a part of EVERY aspect of their lives. you need to weigh every real issue - what kind of relationship you are having with your husband, what the problems are, what can be fixed and what you can live with, and what kind of affect the marriage (and its problems) are having on your children, vs. the problems that will arise if you get divorced.
(as to how to deal with the holidays - you find your way. you make 'new' traditions, your kids will have 'two' christmas, two b-days, etc or , ifyou and your husband are able to - you continue to celebrate together as a family)
Edited 9/23/2006 6:35 am ET by sk1960
It's not easy missing your child's holiday. I do have a hard time with it. That said, it's really not a good idea to stay in an unhappy marriage solely for the sake of holidays. My friend is a nurse, and often has to work on holidays. So she "moves" the holiday to a different day or time.
~helpformenow
GOOD LUCK!
~helpformenow
Hi,
I haven't read any other responses yet, but this was something that I really had a hard time dealing with. When Ex and I separated, girls were 2 and 7.5. They both believed (still do) in all that stuff. My thought was... "hey, he F'ed this family up, let him suffer, why should *I* miss it, let him". Well, poor attitude, and honey, time is the only thing that helps/heals that... I still HATE the man, but now that we have time/visitation/holiday worked out, this is how I handle it.
Let me preface this by telling you that the first Xmas we were apart, the girls went with him at noon Xmas day, so I had Xmas eve and the morning "santa" thing... but I layed in bed and cried all day Xmas day.
Now, I have decided that we will "fake" holidays. Santa will come, Easter egg hunts, etc... we have our own. We have even gone to the mall to ask Santa to come Dec. 23rd instead of 24th. My family has helped by "doing" Thanksgiving when it works for us, etc... It really is working out. One thing that has worked even better for me, is that my boyfriend (he has primary custody of his DD also) and I have arranged that our "every others" are the same... so we have all kids or no kids.
Good luck, I promise it will get easier as the time goes by.
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