how do u let go when your still in love
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how do u let go when your still in love
| Thu, 07-05-2007 - 10:44pm |
HELLO EVERYONE! OK. STBX AND I HAVE BEEN SEPERATED THIS TIME FOR 4 MONTHS.I FOUND OUT LAST WEEK THAT HE'S NOT STAYING WITH HIS BROTHER,BUT WITH SOME FEMALE ACROSS TOWN.
(THE THINGS YOU CAN FIND OUT ON THE NET) EVERYTIME WE'RE APART HE WON'T CALL THE BOYS, PICK THEM UP OR HELP WITH ANY SUPPORT FOR THEM WHATSOEVER. NOT THAT HE WAS A BIG HELP WHEN HE WAS HERE. WHY WONT SOME MEN STEP UP TO THEIR RESPONSIBILTY? I SWEAR EVERY TIME HE'S AROUND HIS BROTHER, WHO IS MARRIED AND IS CHEATING ON HIS WIFE ALSO. HE MAKES IT HIS BUSINESS TO BE JUST LIKE HIM.I DON'T BLAME HIS BROTHER, BUT EVERTHING WAS JUST FINE WHEN HE WAS NOT AROUND. WE SEPERATED WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED, BECAUSE I FOUND OUT THAT HE CHEATED ON ME AND GOT THE GIRL PREGNANT WHEN WE WERE DATING, HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO WAIT AND TELL ME BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE ME AS HE PUT IT. DEEP DOWN I KNOW WE NEED TO GET DIVORCED, BUT IN MY HEART I CAN'T LET HIM GO. I'M SO TIRED OF CRYING. I LOST 60LBS IN 2 MONTH STRESSING BEHIND ALL OF THIS. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET HIM GO. WHAT ARE THE FIRST STEP TO LETTING GO OF SOMEONE YOU'VE BEEN WITH SO LONG?
(THE THINGS YOU CAN FIND OUT ON THE NET) EVERYTIME WE'RE APART HE WON'T CALL THE BOYS, PICK THEM UP OR HELP WITH ANY SUPPORT FOR THEM WHATSOEVER. NOT THAT HE WAS A BIG HELP WHEN HE WAS HERE. WHY WONT SOME MEN STEP UP TO THEIR RESPONSIBILTY? I SWEAR EVERY TIME HE'S AROUND HIS BROTHER, WHO IS MARRIED AND IS CHEATING ON HIS WIFE ALSO. HE MAKES IT HIS BUSINESS TO BE JUST LIKE HIM.I DON'T BLAME HIS BROTHER, BUT EVERTHING WAS JUST FINE WHEN HE WAS NOT AROUND. WE SEPERATED WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED, BECAUSE I FOUND OUT THAT HE CHEATED ON ME AND GOT THE GIRL PREGNANT WHEN WE WERE DATING, HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO WAIT AND TELL ME BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE ME AS HE PUT IT. DEEP DOWN I KNOW WE NEED TO GET DIVORCED, BUT IN MY HEART I CAN'T LET HIM GO. I'M SO TIRED OF CRYING. I LOST 60LBS IN 2 MONTH STRESSING BEHIND ALL OF THIS. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET HIM GO. WHAT ARE THE FIRST STEP TO LETTING GO OF SOMEONE YOU'VE BEEN WITH SO LONG?

For you & your heart, give yourself time, and space to grieve & heal,you will. I read somewhere that it takes 1 month for every year you were together, on average, to heal. I personally look forward to next April! :)
Blessings.
I'm so sorry. I hear myself in your post! (Except I haven't lost 60lbs, but I would LOVE to!) I totally understand what you are going through. Things with my stbx had been bad for years and I thought I had lost all my feelings toward him, but now that we have separated I have realized how much I still love him. It is so hard to see him, to talk to him, to deal with him at all. I want so badly to beg him to come home, but I know that he won't and it isn't the right thing to do anyway.
I hope you can find a way to cope with these feelings.
Sorry for your troubles and somehow we will make it through these bad times. We are all in the same boat here and hope that we can all help each other out somehow. Hugs and take care of yourself!!
I know what you are going through is hard, but take a step back and look at him as the person he is. Not who he WAS when you remember better days. I bet if you you might feel a little bit better.
My H and I have been seperated for a year. And as soon as he left he went running right into the arms of the OW! And on more than one occasion he has told me how much better his life is, but I see him and I know that he is just the same lump on a log that he was when he was with me. And if he tries to be better or show me up somehow, I know that is all it is - showing me up in front of others to make himself look better.
If you haven't finalized your divorce yet, you make sure you have a child support order. If he wants to act like a fool - good for him, but he needs to support his kids. And if the only was is financially than so be it. Don't let him take anymore of you away from yourself. Be strong for yourself and for your children.
TD
I am sorry you are going through this difficult time.
I can only offer my experience. I began to let go when I realized the man I loved simply didn't exist anymore. My former husband changed, met someone else and decided to change his ENTIRE life (including pretending he isn't the father of two children). When I began to see him only as he is and not as the person I remembered him being, letting go became easier. It still takes time and now that he is back in the kids lives and acting like a good dad, it is sometimes hard to remember. But I kept a journal and I look back over what we went through and the choices he made. It puts who he is in perspective and reminds me that I deserve better.