How do we do it all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2005
How do we do it all?
15
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 10:45am
How do you do it all...by that I mean, I am getting so burned out and ragged from being everything to everyone...the sole bread winner of the family, being mom to two children, the grocery shopping, the errands, getting the kids to their activities, cleaning the house, working full time, dealing with an irrational ex husband, cooking dinner, cutting the lawn, finding time to just have fun with the kids....My days are so go, go, go and then the evening comes and i'm wiped out. I'm sick of hearing from my ex how I get to spend so much more time with the kids than he does....well, just because they sleep at my home most nights doesn't mean i get to spend all the quality time with them. Keep in mind he has a gf who cleans for him, grocery shops for him, takes care of all his errands, has hired a housekeeper and a landscaper, I know it's the disney dad syndrome, where when he has the kids the get to go do all the "fun" stuff and when they are with mom, it's work, work, work.....How does everyone else do it and balance their time and not feel resentful, or even grumpy at the end of the day from being so tired. Just looking for some feedback...I know all us single mom's have a difficult time. Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 1:58pm

What a great vent! So great, in fact, that I'm starting to feel better! I wonder about this alot..... HOW do we all do it and actually get it done?

Every time I start feeling this way again, I remember one of the old CLs on a divorce board saying "Children learn as much from a bad example as they learn from a good one." I keep reminding myself of that. If the kids never saw us clean or grocery shop or cut the grass how on eart hwould they learn to do it? And would they think that things just got done at night while they slept?

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2005
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 5:10pm
Thank you for give me a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Some days I wonder if the kids will ever think back to this time with fond memories or with resentment that mom was so busy all the time. I would love nothing more than to be able to spend the evenings playing with the kids or taking them to do fun things, unfortunately, that can't be done right now. So, I need to remember that I am teaching my daughter to be strong, independant, resilant, and in the face of troubled times can still find a way to smile. I'm hoping i'm teaching my son to appreciate women and not walk all over them (like their dad). My days of gratitude from them won't come for many many years, but i'm sure they will come. Not that I even need their gratitude, what i really need is a wife, he he! Just kidding, but you know what I mean.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 5:31pm

I guess for me it's business as usual because as the "wife" that's part of your job description. Men don't get that because they don't have to worry about the kids and the groceries and the house PLUS a j-o-b. Then they go out and find a girlfriend to do everything for them or they have their mothers. Guys are just plain helpless. We do "It all" because we're stronger.

When my kids are with their father I try to have "me" time. I work out and am a runner. I have signed up to run some races and am going away on a weekend in the fall to run a marathon. Usually I do the half marathons, but this year I'm feeling brave enough to do a full blown one. We'll see ;).

Just taking time for yourself where it isn't all work,work,work is very rewarding. Don't let anyone tell you that's selfish either!!! Life is too short.




Edited 6/7/2006 5:36 pm ET by outofmymind2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:27pm
AMEN!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:29pm
Well, at least I'm not fuming doing all of that while he's sitting inside on the sofa (or *out* pining over some girl!)... now, I know it's all me... I know I have to do it.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 8:21pm

I was thinking about the same thing. It sometimes burns me that he does not pay for anything but 50% of the childcare. Sometimes I get an evil feeling like, "I'll do just as little as my husband. I will not spend a penny more for my kids neither. When kids are miserable he will realize how much he does not do." But I just cannot be like him...... I love spending time with kids and I love doing things for them. I end up spending my last money on my kids, all the time.

Summer is coming, and I already have a plan to take a week vacation with kids. I took a week off in spring and took us all to see their daddy/my husband across the continent spending thousands of dollars. He said he will cover half, but have not seen it yet. This time, I am going to a real vacation, and he is not invited or included. He makes way more than me. If he wants to see his kids, he will have to come over here and stay at a hotel and rent a car. I do love my kids, but I am not going to help him to see the kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 9:23pm

Yep, there's light at the end of the tunnel! And it gets alot brighter once you realize that the dust on the furniture doesn't matter and the laundry piled up (both clean and dirty) just doesn't matter. Dinner can be cereal or frozen waffles if you need to.

As for playing games with the kids.... definitely make time for that! I have a perfect suggestion. We have these card games called "12 minute card games" that I picked up at Target. Wig Out is a particular favorite of ours. The cards have different faces on them and everyone plays at once and you try to get rid of all your cards first. We also like Moose in the House. You fill each other's empty rooms with moose! They're fun and short, so you can ALWAYS find time for a game!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 9:25pm

and AMEN to that!!!!!!

I love it that all the mess in my house belongs to me or the girls and I can excuse the girl mess because they're children!!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2005
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 9:50pm
Love that idea of short quick little card games, I'll have to check that out. And you guys are right, who cares if the laudry is piled up, the house isn't completely clean, it's just me and the kids and noone ever comes over....who cares, they surely don't! The other night I did make pancakes and sausage for dinner, the kids thought it was great, they were like...really we get to have pancakes for dinner? It was cheap and easy and they had a blast, I was a cool mom for about an hour, he he! So, enough of my pity party for myself. I would love to hear everyone's ideas on little things that you do with the kids, that mean so much... like the card games and pancakes for dinner. I'm sure we could all benefit from everyone's ideas. Thanks everyone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 8:31am

Oh, and another thing.... got this idea from Rosie's counselor.

WILD TIME!

When we've all been good for a while, we have wild time.... it's where we put on loud music and dance on the coffee table. Or we have ice cream for dinner and chicken nuggets for dessert. Or we pack a picnic and go eat on a local bridge that's closed to motor traffic. One night this summer, I'm hoping to wake the girls up in the middle of the night to go for a drive and find the full moon. Just anything that's out of the norm. It makes the drudgery of everyday life/maintenance bearable.

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

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