How Do You Deal With The Anger?
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| Thu, 06-29-2006 - 1:25pm |
Hello Everyone, this is my first post - thanks in advance for your response(s). My wife quit our marriage almost 2 months ago now. She walked out the day after our 1 year anniversary - although honestly, she was done well before then. There is waaaay too much background to write here so I'll spare you all the details, but in the end, if I understand her correctly, she simply fell out of love with me. The whole "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore" sort of thing. That and a bunch of "little things" that bothered her about me and our marriage/relationship. We widely disagree on what our problem(s) was, but I felt like regardless of who was more correct, we could work it out. Ironically enough one of the things that bothered her most about me was that I am too pessimistic. Funny thing is though, I felt like we could work things out, and none of these things were too big to overcome. There was no infidelity, no alcoholism, drug use, physical or mental abuse, we have no kids so no issues there. Just a bunch of "little things" with the exception of her feelings for me not being as strong as they used to be. I also pulled it out of her that she had been thinking about other men lately - when she used to "only have eyes for me."
I've been on a rollercoaster from hell ride of emotions (sadness, confusion, anger, hope, hopelessness, etc....), and currently it's anger. Has anyone else had strong feelings of anger toward there ex? I'm not talking violent, I'm gonna get physical anger - but anger like "why is she/he putting us through this?! Can't she/he see we can work this out?!" sort of anger. How did you deal with it, and get over it?

I am sure many people here will be able to relate. I was amazed at how many different - and strong - emotions I have felt over the course of the last four years. One thing that helped me was reading "Crazy Time" by Abigail Trafford. She does talk about the emotional roller-coaster that many people go through during a divorce. I also liked the book "Letting Go" by Tracy Cabot and Zev Wanderer.
I have been in therapy for several years and that has helped deal with all the emotions. I am also on antidepressants and that helps to even things out a bit. I have also made some new friends that were willing to listen to me - they had been there, too, and were good listeners and they were also able to give some good insight and advice. I have read quite a few books on divorce and I found that helpful as well. Posting on this board - once I found it - has also been a lifesaver. Some of the friends I've had for a long time were also there for me as well. It helped a lot to go do things with them so I had something fun to look forward to. That requires being able to let go for a few hours and just have fun. It really helps to give yourself a break!
Good luck and I am sure the other people on this board can help you out as well!
Thanks abbynwb! I truly hoped someone would respond. I will definately check out the books you've mentioned - I need all the help I can get! I want to make things good for both me and my STBX Wife. I feel the sooner I heal myself, the sooner I can help my wife and I heal "us."
Best wishes on your journey to recovery abbynwb, I'm sure you'll be there soon.
Warm regards,
abandoned1
hi and weldome
i went thru the anger bit too - even tho it was i who had initiated the divorce and i was not in love with him (never was in love with him). what helped me were:
therapy - but therapy only helps if YOU are ready to do the work.
friends - i really opened up to my friends, made new friends - and it really helped. also came here alot.
taking control of my life - i got a promotion at work, and started to do things differently at work, i went back to school, got into an exercise/diet program, and so on.