How do you do the deed?
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| Mon, 05-08-2006 - 5:57pm |
How did you make that initial departure? Who left? How did you get them to leave, if you stayed?
Sorry, I accidentally posted that before finishing...
Basically I want the divorce (although he is pretty miserable also, he just has always been more free in this marriage than I have been and not cared about it as much, and I'm footing all the bills, so it follows that he isn't in much of a hurry to end it.)
I am going to have to pay him to leave because he has no money.
Problem is that we have a 7 month old. I am afraid of being a single mom. It will be helpful to have him around, even if he is just providing some extra arms now and again. We have a garage apartment, and I thought perhaps he could live there until he gets on his feet. I'm just not sure how to do all of this logistically.
My lawyer says make a clean break and get him out. I can see her point. Legally it would be beneficial to me b/c of community property issues.
I'm just wondering how people finally made the break. Did you move out? Kick him/her out? Did you live together for a while after the papers were filed? Any suggestions?
Edited 5/8/2006 6:01 pm ET by berkeleygal2005

I would agree with lawyer that making a clean break is a good thing. When my ex left last December, I kicked him out. We had agreed he'd stay until he found a place, but it was just not working and things came to a head. He has no job so what he would do is come back every morning to watch our daughter while I worked. This is why I say you need to just make the break. He was still here EVERY day. I still had the same amount of mess, food expense, electric and gas bills, only now I had to pay for it all because he wasn't technically living here. Plus just seeing him every single day drove me crazy.
It's a scary and tough adjustment, but I think you will be much more sane if you get him out. We have a studio in our back yard. Before he left for good, we thought perhaps he could stay out in that for a while until he got on his feet. It lasted maybe 2-3 days until he was leaving every night to go see his gf and I told him to get the hell out. It is really hard to try to live separately but closely.
I was terrified of him really being gone. I was scared to death I would fail, and the sky would fall, but you know what? It's been 4 1/2 months now, and while I still have a lot of anxiety that I'm learning to deal with, it's still a whole lot better than having him here. After the initial shock of him leaving, I felt lighter. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, and the good, yet sad, thing is I don't miss him.