How do you do the holidays???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2005
How do you do the holidays???
5
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 10:21pm

My STBX and I are actually trying to work together on our legal stuff. SO far so good. Tomorrow night we are sitting down to talk about how we plan to do the holidays. We are trying to reach a decision that we can both live with. I don't know what I'll do if I don't have my girls on Christmas morning. Can any of you tell me how you handle the holidays?? Thanks for your help.

JG

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 11:04pm

Yeah I have been starting to think of that too. I am on vacation Thanksgiving week and am hoping I can have them then or at least that night. I definately want Christmas eve, I don't think he'll give me much problem, he'll want to be over at his GF's. I guess we'll see.

I think the hard part is going to have to be alone part of the time during the holidays. It will feel weird going to my parents' without my kids. I might actually do something different and go volunteer at the shelter after he picks them up. I know that he's not going to cooperate regardless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 08-14-2005 - 10:58pm

I didn't have my dd for this past Christmas morning, and it was hard. Although it was tough to be without her, I made Christmas eve as special as I could. I had her for Christmas eve until bedtime, and then she went with her dad. We are alternating major holidays, so last year I had her on Thanksgiving, next year he'll have Thanksgiving and Christmas eve until bedtime, and I'll have Christmas morning and all that day.

It was hard, but both of us felt the way you did, that we didn't know what we'd do without dd on Christmas morning. I couldn't see forcing my ex to never have her Christmas morning, there was no way for us to both be okay unless we alternated (I tried to think about what it would be like to never see her come down the stairs and see what Santa brought again, and I couldn't/wouldn't do that to my ex just like I wouldn't want him to do it to me). Plus looking at it from my dd's perspective, I didn't want her to have no memories of her dad being with her on Christmas morning. Alternating was the most fair, and I'm the adult, I can be okay without her easier than she can be okay having her father cut out of that special time for the remainder of her childhood. I didn't have my father there for the majority of my Christmas mornings, and although I love my mother, I needed both my parents to share special times with me, not just my mom.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 11:05am

I think I am lucky in this aspect. My XH hated all holidays. At first, I told him I wanted all holidays and that birthdays of him and I would be split along with Father's day and mother's day no matter who's "weekend" it is. He also gets every other weekend.


That worked last year. But then he started getting itchy and realizing what he was missing.


Christmas was hard. The kids went with him on Xmas eve, for the day. I had them Xmas morning/day. I had them for Thanksgiving and Easter. Mother's day was split because it was "his" weekend and they decided to go camping. He brought the kids home early, but that was ok too. It was hard at first, but I realize that he is a parent too.


I think you have to do something amicable for the both of you. I think the Xmas eve and Xmas day thing is a good way to split things. It also gives the kids a lot to look forward to. 2 holidays at 2 houses.....


Good luck and I hope all works out for you :)


Hugs,


Angelena


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 12:15pm

I also dont

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 12:50pm
well sorry you might have to go a few christmas morning without your girls. Thats just one of the ugly side effects of divorce. :( Im sure he will be sad the mornings he dosent have them too. Its good you can sit down and talk and work things out. My decree states that for holidays like christmas it starts the day school lets out till it starts back up I get half of the time he gets half of the time with chrsitmas eve and day alternating odd and even years. However its been 5 years and he hasnt used his visitation once so I guess I lucked out but its sad for the kids.